You noticed first

I had depression

When I had my head down

When we were drinking tea in your kitchen

What did you notice first?

Was it the way I shook my legs

Because I was anxious and scared

Or was it the shadow under my eyes

The red in my eyes

The bags under my eyes

Or the frown behind my smile

That I thought I could disguise

When you asked what was wrong

And I replied nothing

Your wise eyes pierced my soul inside

You said, "you are not right

You are not yourself, you are not the Prianca I know and I think you have depression".

My grandma Baa

Was deprived of an education

Mental health was not talked about in her generation

And I was astounded as I sat opposite her

She diagnosed me first

Before my general practitioner

How did she know?

That question still runs in my mind

Everyone else was blind

But she noticed first, she noticed first

I felt worthless

And that's why I kept it all inside

I felt faithless

And I was terrified

I was not right

Can't recognise myself anymore...

Can't recognise myself anymore…

Seeing life

With my depression

My bed is where I reside

And the fire inside takes me to a parallel dimension

I am consumed with trauma

Haunted by what happened to me

I'm gonna erupt like lava

Who will be there after the debris?

Angry that I was burned with no justice

Why the hell do I feel so much and still feel numbness

I'm up and down in restlessness

I was brought back

By a colourful peacock

He helped me stay calm and safe

He coloured the grey

He reached me

Before my destruction

We walked on the lakeside

And he noticed and saw a reflection in my eyes

I'm gonna stop trying to get love from the place I never got it

Cause it's like punching a wall, it will hurt me

But the wall is not affected

The one I glorified as superman

Has so many fans

But what I need he will never understand

I will try

I see a glimmer of hope

I am starting to smile again

When I try I win

So let the day begin

And I will take my time

Take a deep breath

Thank you for noticing and helping when I was a wreck