the grudge

i have nightmares each week about that friday in may

one phone call from you and my entire world was changed

trust that you betrayed

confusion that still lingers

you took everything i loved and crushed it in between your fingers

and i doubt you ever think about the damage that you did

but i hold onto every detail like my life depends on it

my undying love

now i hold it like a grudge

and i hear your voice every time that i think i'm not enough

and i try to be tough, but i wanna scream

how could anybody do the things you did so easily?

and i say i don't care

i say that i'm fine

but you know i can't let it go

i've tried, i've tried, i've tried for so long

it takes strength to forgive, but i don't feel strong

the arguments that i have won against you in my head

in the shower, in the car, and in the mirror before bed

yeah, i'm so tough when i'm alone

and i make you feel so guilty

and i fantasize about a time you're a little fuckin' sorry

and i try to understand why you would do this all to me

you must be insecure, you must be so unhappy

and i know in my heart

hurt people hurt people

and we both drew blood

but, man, those cuts were never equal

and i try to be tough, but i wanna scream

how could anybody do the things you did so easily?

and i say i don't care

i say that i'm fine

but you know i can't let it go

i've tried, i've tried, i've tried for so long

it takes strength to forgive, but i don't feel strong

ooh, do you think i deserved it all?

ooh, your flowers filled with vitriol?

you built me up to watch me fall

you have everything and you still want more

i try to be tough

i try to be mean

but even after all this, you're still everything to me

and i know you don't care

i guess that that's fine

but you know i can't let it go

i've tried, i've tried, i've tried for so long

it takes strength to forgive, but

i'm not quite sure i'm there yet

it takes strength to forgive, but