first the gray matter transpires in the form of a cloak, it drops slowly but surely it's insufferable, i keep still trynna fake like i'm not feeling the pull, tugging my eyes into a dark and narrow tunnel, i'm stuck now under blankets that don't comfort just hold a momentary lapse of knowing what's desirable, it's not pain, it's the opposite, it's something insane - a lack of feeling, wall or something coming up in my brain ! gray pull ! fuck hold ! my mind ! slime mold ! side to side it's undesirable, sigh sigh sigh it's not inevitable, it's not luck ! it's a societal role, not bad luck ! it could be avoidable ! slime mold ! my mind ! fuck up ! this assumption ! and we're rolling and we're rolling, back into the shadow of what happened while still growing up we're all adults but we're still treading in the muck of problems we encountered trying to learn how to fuck - it's fucked up that these problems are so ubiquitious, i don't know many people who aren't feeling distrust, but we're all screaming in a tunnel, ricocheting, obfuscating, rolling in the shallow, we're rolling in the shallow, we're rolling in our shallow, we're rolling in our shallow graves, we're in the saddle, just groaning in the saddle, bemoaning all our impotence like it's unpalatable, cuz it's unfathomable, like we're all hollow? like pasture gone to fallow? like pasture gone the passion's gone the passion's gone the passion's gone the passion's gone the passion's gone the passion's gone and gone and gone and ! look at the atrophy? young minds severed from their bodies? confused and unfeeling? what's mine and yours is lost to me? numbed sexuality? what's mine is still unfolding - rolling out, unfurling out and rolling out, unfurling out and rolling out, unfurling out and rolling out, unfurling out new - gray pull ! fuck hold ! my mind ! slime mold ! side to side it's undesirable, sigh sigh sigh it's not inevitable ! it's not luck! it's a societal role, not bad luck! it could be avoidable ! and we're rolling and we're rolling back into the shadow of our growing up - we're all adults but we're still treading in the muck of problems we encountered trying to learn how to fuck - it's fucked up ! but it's really not that different from those who refuse to think that their indifference is complicit ! i believe in some things that i cannot quantify but when it comes to me i still deny i'm in the shadows, i'm lurking in the shadows, i'm lurking in the shadows and digging out my shallow grave, i'm in the saddle, just groaning in the saddle, bemoaning all my impotence like it's unpalatable cus it's unfathomable like we're all swallowed like pasture gone to fallow... no more hay is left for the rolling it's all sold out or left out and molding, they tell you take advantage while sun's still out and glowing but protestant prescriptions repress my own sowing. look at the atrophy? young minds severed from their bodies, confused and unfeeling? numbed sexuality? what's mine is still unfolding, rolling out unfurling out and rolling out unfurling out and rolling out unfurling out and rolling out unfurling out new plans... i take due time to find what my body is telling me sometimes it's anger and sometimes it's just misplaced keys but the feelings aren't something i have a hold on they just slip out of me like a colander drips or like a blister might weep ! clap on clap off i stop to smell a new rose insert my face and later find pollen on my nose ! who questions what who believes what who shuffles your gut? who takes the blame who gets the fame who's stuck in rut? who's picking sides and who's clinging to sexist lies?? in lieu of... (shHHH...) fertility laden with such shame, you had to sell out the ideal at the core at the core of yourself