We must think of a test—that looks fair, and sounds fair, and seems fair, and isn't fair

Terrible!

Terrible!

Sensitivity. A test for sensitivity. What on earth could that be?

(sung)

Sensitivity

Sensitivity

I'm just loaded with that

In this one word is the epitome

Of the aristocrat

Sensitive soul and sensitive stomach

Sensitive hands and feet

This is the blessing, also the curse

Of being the true elite

Common people don't know what

Exquisite agony is

Suffered by gentle people like me

Just get your hands off me!

Think up a tricky test for that

Wretched, moat-swimming princess

Madam, may I suggest?

Maybe we ought to—

Don't take all night!

I'm not well

I need my rest

Not that I ever sleep on that lumpy mattress!

Oh, God!

My back

Sensitivity, bane of royalty

That bed's a torture rack!

Oh, I hate to sound grumpy

But my nerves are so jumpy

I am sure I could feel any lump

Even if it were under the mattress

And small as a pea!

That's the answer!

Under the mattress!

We'll test her tonight

One tiny pea beneath one thick downy mattress

Oh, God!

You're bright!

Any genuine princess would feel it

If she doesn't she's through!

Get the tiniest pea

And order one mattress

No, make it two

Why not five?

Ten, I think should be plenty

Better still make it twenty!

And to play it safe

In the event

Even that's not enough to insure that she sleeps

We'll—

Give her a strong sedative, won't we?

You can whip up a drink

Something stunning!

Oh, but you're devilish!

I love the way you think!

She's insensitive, so insensitive, she'll fall asleep no doubt

God, but you're clever!

Brilliant!

A genius!

You are divine!

Get out!