Oh, no! Babies everywhere

Everybody's having babies!

Crying and pissing and burping and spittin' and fussin' and shittin' while making you rue the day

Babies. Too many babies.

Listen up everyone, here's the scoop

Babies like to turn your money into poop.

Newborns all look like aliens

They spawn on this planet and abduct your best friend

Sleep deprived, want to die, as I rock him to sleep

Work all day, rinse, lather, then repeat

Sing a lullaby while ignoring the smell

Gotta keep the thing alive or you'll end up in jail

Babies will whine and cry

All day and night

What I'm trying to say

What I'm trying to say

What I'm trying to say is

I don't wanna have baby

That's a "no," not a "maybe"

Everybody says I'm crazy

Cuz I don't wanna raise a baby.

I may end up really lonely

But at least I'm not a daddy

I don't wanna clean up vomit

Or wipe off a poopy heiny.

Oh, YEAH! I can get a vasectomy!

Denying parents grandbabies

Sisters and brothers and fathers and mothers and aunties and uncles all push me to reproduce

Chew toys do not pacify

Listen up, everyone, here's the deal

You're not the one that's gonna end up paying the bills

Parenthood's a prison of barf and tears

A mandatory minimum of 18 years

Overpopulation is rising too

So let's add another mouth to compete for food

Take a good look at me, tell me now

Do we really need another me running around?

Babies will break the bank

and crush your dreams

What I'm trying to say

What I'm trying to say

What I'm trying to say is

I don't wanna have a baby

That's a "no", not a "maybe"

Pay someone to sterilize me

That will ensure I have no baby

I think I'd rather have rabies

Than to rear a human baby

All the money I'd be saving

Could buy a robot or a puppy

 

So much poop

Too much pee

No free time

No more sleep

Kill me