album cover
artist
Daniel Tosh
Four
1,256
Standup Comedy
Four은(는) 앨범에 수록된 곡으로 2011년 3월 8일일에 Comedy Central Records에서 발매되었습니다.Happy Thoughts
album cover
앨범Happy Thoughts
발매일2011년 3월 8일
라벨Comedy Central Records
LanguageEnglish
멜로디에 강한 음악
어쿠스틱 악기 중심
발랑스
춤추기 좋은 음악
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개요

가사

뮤직 비디오

뮤직 비디오

크레딧

실연 아티스트
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
스포큰 워드
작곡 및 작사
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
작사가 겸 작곡가
프로덕션 및 엔지니어링
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
프로듀서

가사

[Verse 1]
And sports needs steroids
It does, are you kidding me?
Oh baseball certainly, baseball's a strike away from being soccer
Yeah, and if you like soccer, well, welcome to America
See our country already has entertainment so  watching people
Chase the ball for four hours to end zero-zero is not enjoyable
Unless of course the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies
[Verse 2]
Or you're watching that girl from the University of New Mexico
She seems pretty competitive
Remember her, she was yankin' people down by the hair
Kickin' chicks in the pussy
I can only assume her father had a bunch of gambling debt
And everything was riding on that game
And she's out there, I'm doin' this for you, Pa
Or she really hates Mormons, one or the other
Pretty sure they were playing B.Y.U.
[Verse 3]
Baseball, nobody wants to watch a pitching battle either
Let's hit the ball deep
Don't worry about your records either
For every superstar that's done steroids
A billion double A boys have juiced up
So the playing field is plenty even
We'll put an asterisk next to Barry Bonds' name, sure
As soon as we put one next to Babe Ruth's name
Gettin' to break records before black people were allowed to play
Excuse me
Where is that asterisk?
Why don't people talk about that?
[Verse 4]
I'd love to know how many homers the Babe woulda hit
Had CC been throwin' 92 mile an hour sliders
Yeah, maybe the fat boy woulda put the cigar down
And quit pointing had Jose been allowed
To swim 90 miles to throw him a junk ball
Don't worry if you don't follow
90 miles is the distance from Key West to Cuba
Jose's a stereotypical name for Latino ball player
And a junk ball is an impossible pitch to hit yard
Any place except for the new Yankee stadium
Which is a joke
[Verse 5]
The point
Is the record books might look a little different
Had our country not been founded by racists, that's all
And I love that in 2010
You're still not allowed to shit on the founding fathers, why not?
Screw them, they were a bunch of racist fucking pigs
With a handful of good ideas
I just hope
When they were signing the Declaration of Independence
They shot each other a glance, all men are created equal
You know what we mean
Now get me some hot coffee, boy
[Verse 6]
At least we're not women, right fellas?
What is that like? Is it horrible? Is it awful?
To know you're number two
By the way, these aren't my beliefs
It's my observations on the world I live in
If it changes, I'll adjust the material accordingly
[Verse 7]
I like it when you try to rationalize it
No, it's great being a woman, free drinks is worth not having equality
Listen, you're in a great country to be number two
Because least in America, it's close
Right, men are here, women are here
Some countries it's like this, and house cat is right there
Cool, that is a bad country to be a women in
Don't get lost on a hike there
You'll end up on Youtube without a head
And there's no web redemption for that
[Verse 8]
I do think we can be a little less P.C. when it comes to sports though
Just once I wanna hear an announcer go, God, black people are fast
Holy cow, all of them, they're fast
Back to you Bob
Why don't we say that? We're all the same species, got it
If I'm at a horse track and I see 'em crammin' a clydesdale
In gate 3, uh I'm not gonna put my money on it
Gonna bet on the thoroughbred
Preferably one from Jamaica
They've got wheels
[Verse 9]
I don't like Stewart Scott on Sports Center
Uh, if you don't know who he is
He's a black gentlemen that graduated fro U.N.C.
With almost perfect grades
Uh, he feels the need to talk hip hop for absolutely no reason at all
While he's callin' plays he'll be like
Boo-yah
Easy, Stewart
[Verse 10]
First of all, I have more street cred than you
Second of all I have HD television and you have one eye
Yeah
That's grossin'  me out
It's eight in the morning and I'm eatin' Eggos
I don't want to see cyclops strugglin' with the teleprompter
Boo-yah
Take that to the U.K. where they embrace ugly people on television
Not here in America, you circus freak
Yeah, next time you want to catch passes on the sideline
Use your hands, don't let it come to the body
You learn that in Pop warner
I'm aware I could end the joke at the good part
I choose not to
Written by: Daniel Tosh

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