Ladies and gentlemen, the long wait is finally over. Hours and

Hours of waiting in the crappiest neighborhood in New York City

Are finally materializing into a night of pure entertainment

It's time for the one and only, veteran of Westminster, veteran

Of MTV Music Awards, veteran of Late Night with Conan O'Brien

The one, the only, the filthy triumph, the insult comic, Ed Doggy!

How are you? Oh yes! Bowery Ballroom! Oh, what a night! What a crowd!

What a shithole! Very nice, very nice. Seriously, I kid the Bowery

Ballroom. It's very nice here. I've got a very nice dressing room

I'd like to thank the management, actually, for taking the trouble

To clean the vomit off the piss. The Bowery Ballroom, what a dream

Think about it. So many shitty acts have played here. Every great

Act that Roseland and Irving Plaza reject plays here. Right here!

I kid, I kid. We've got a lot of hot young bands that come in here

You know? Cool bands, right? Really cool. Rock it to me, sock it to

Me, you know what I'm saying? Yes. Bands that have, you know, they

Have those deals on independent labels, right? Big fucking deal

I've got worms in my stool that have deals with independent labels

It's nice, Roseland. It's a good, it's a good opportunity that

Roseland... Roseland, what the fuck? Bowery Ballroom, second show

I'm a fucking dog, what do you want? Yes. Bowery Ballroom. No, no

Truly, it's a great forum. It's a great place for up-and-coming young

Bands to hone their skills before making the transition into the food

Service industry. It's a shithole! Alright. You guys ready to rock it

To me, sock it to me, yes? Hey, rock it to me, sock it to me!

Alright. We've got a lot of music and surprises for you

We're making an album tonight. That's right. So we

Can't fuck it up. We can't fuck it up. Oh, I haven't

Felt this much pressure since Marmaduke sat on my face