[Judge Dread]: "Coo, what a nice day. I think I'll have a lay down in the sand, terrific! Might as well get me rock out. Don't leave it in the sun to long though, it'll get all sticky. Here, is that a band I hear playing? Oh, the're playing my tune!"

When I go down the seaside

I'm feeling rather rude

The girls in their bikinis

Are showing all their boobs

And when they see my stick of rock

They all shout out with glee

If all you give it all away

Please save a lick for me

Oh ho ho ho oh what a big one

I've never seen one as big as that before

Oh ho ho ho oh what a big one

It must be fourteen inches long or more!

I took a stroll along the beach

My rock was in my hand

I saw a girl buried

Up to her neck in sand

She said some boys did this to me *

So please help get me out

Before I could assist her

My rock shot in her mouth

And she cried-

Oh ho ho ho oh what a big one

I've never seen one as big as that before

Oh ho ho ho oh what a big one

It must be fourteen inches long or more!

I'm always in the discos

As soon as the sun goes down

I chat up all the nice galls

With bodies nice and brown

I take them back to me chalet

And they always get a shock

When I turn the lights on

And they see the size of me rock

They all cry-

Oh ho ho ho oh what a big one

I've never seen one as big as that before

Oh ho ho ho oh what a big one

It must be fourteen inches long or more!

When me holidays are over

Me rock goes home with me

Athough it's not as big as it was

It's big enough for me

If you want to know who my girlfriend is

Take a look around the place

She's the one in the corner

With a smile upon her face

And she loves that it's a big one

She's never seen one as big as that before

And she loves that it's a big one

It must be fourteen inches long or more!

[Judge Dread]: "Well darling, I bet you've never seen one as big as this have you?"

[Girlfriend]: "Oh yes I have. The milkman's got one, and he showed it to me while you were on holiday"

[Judge Dread]: "Coo, that must be what they mean by 'are you getting enough'. I'll tell you what, you're not getting any more of mine!"

[Girlfriend]: "Oh come on"

Oh ho ho ho oh what a big one

I've never seen one as big as that before

Oh ho ho ho oh what a big one

It must be fourteen inches long or more!