A Million Ways to Die

Cowboys and pioneers Come lend your eyes and ears I've got the need to testify Don't try to build your nest Out in the open West 'Cause there's a million ways to die Six bullets in the gut Or just a papercut Too many ways to quantify They'll cut your ankle off To cure a minor cough 'Cause there's a million ways to die (A million ways to die) It's a hundred and one In the shade or the sun If you fall asleep you fry (A million ways to die) You can live like a saint But there just really ain't No avoidin' a million ways to die Small pox and bigger pox And deadly tomahawks Or God forbid, you steal a pie They'll blast you into shards For playin' good at cards 'Cause there's a million ways to die Out on the desert plains It hardly ever rains And you can hear coyotes cry They'll eat you up and then They'll shit you out again 'Cause there's a million ways to die (A million ways to die) With a whoosh and a whack There's a knife in your back 'Cause you got a fancy tie (A million ways to die) It's a kick in the pants But you don't have a chance Of escapin' a million ways to die A million ways to die