We Wish You a Merry Christmas

We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas And a happy New Year We wish you the best day ever And hope all your Christmas endeavors Are super-fun, amazing, and clever And that your New Year's rocks, too Oh, come tell me what'cha doin' All my relatives just flew in From Mexico and Jerusalem For the holidays Both Christmas trees and menorahs It can be confusing for us When we break into a chorus Of "olé" (olé) and "oy vey" (oy vey) Good missions I'll give To agents A through Z Carl, get away from that punch bowl I'm saving that for me (sorry, sir) We wish you a Perry Christmas We wish you a Perry Christmas We wish you a Perry Christmas And a- New Year I wish for a calculator Slash-Hindi-English translator To find a common denominator In both of my tongues Good wedgies I'll give To all of you nerds That's how I say "merry Christmas" I ain't good with words I wish you would let me rule you In evil, I'm going to school you I won't sugarcoat or fool you Your New Year's looks grim I warn you, my new -inator Will force you to serve me later So why not just choose to cater To my every whim? We wish your every endeavor Makes this the best Christmas ever And we're all so glad that we will never Mention figgy pudding Oh, great, well now we've mentioned it You know, no one would have noticed if you'd have just kept your mouth shut