The Catch-Up Song

You see Taxis are Ubers The stars are YouTubers Neil Tyson gave Pluto the axe Cell phones got smarter The oceans got hotter The global economy collapsed We get internet deals On our hyphenate meals Like cage-free, Vegan-Paleo sausage We don't leave our homes Thanks to Amazon drones They track what we do Through our watches What's going on? Will we be okay? Has it all gone mad since we went away? Oh update us please, and put us at ease Cuz we've run out of jokes About the 90s Al Gore lost bad 'cause of one hanging chad Dubya hunted for Dubya-em-dees Obama brought hope So Clinton thought "Dope!" "Twenty-sixteen should be a real breeze" (So, Hillary finally broke that glass ceiling?) (No, but it certainly does feel like it's raining shards of glass all around us) The country's cut into two The red and the blue Facebook's a toxic waste dump The Fox friends are doting The Russians are voting And now there's a President Trump (At least, we think there's still a President Trump) (You see, the writers are writing this in 2018) (How is that possible?) (The people rely on Animaniacs for outrageous and relevant content) (Well, how can we finish catching up when we don't know happened in the last two years?) (I don't know, wild guesses?) (Sounds good to me!) We have chips in our brains We no longer feel pain There are worsening climate disasters Now we live underground And we can't make a sound Lest we anger our polar bear masters (They've come south for revenge!) We breed birds without arms On our factory farms And we live in aluminum bunkers We sent humans to Mars All the food comes in bars And the top-rated show is called "Clunkers!" (It's about a talking police car!) (Who's also a time machine!) (Wow, here comes the star, Clunko!) (I travel through time, solving crime!) That's what's going on In the world today It's as crazy now As when we went away Our ratings depend On knowing the trends We're all caught up That's how this song ends!