The Laziest Man in the World

He's the laziest man Laziest man in the world Behold! The laziest man in the world Damn I'm a pearl Countless bed sores adorn my soul Check it, you see my corpse walking round? It's a hoax In my head I'm at home Tomes tell of my liquified bones Don't question it just keep an open mind Know I'm holed up inside and it's alright It's kinda like summer vacation It's kinda like mummification It's obvious I hate the daytime But when I smell coffee I rise from the grave like "uhh" All I'm searching for are snacks in my mouth All I look forward to is chilling out All of my memories center around How much I enjoyed becoming one with the couch He's the laziest man Laziest man in the world Maybe people might say that I am my own worst enemy I get all tuckered out from not exerting any energy I prefer to be the middle link in human centipedes I don't want to be deciding when it's time to shit and eat Literally anything that isn't sitting sickens me I pretend to be asleep when anybody intervenes Ya wanna say I got a problem? Nah man I'm taking after grandma, this rocker's awesome I ain't getting up until you toss me off it Then I'm probably gonna conk out on the carpet Did I mention? All this inactivity is giving me heightened senses I can smell a Cheeto on the ground like it was incense I can ignore the doorbell better than anybody ever I can neglect the mailbox better than anybody ever I can sleep through an alarm clock better than anybody ever I can ignore all obligations better than anybody ever Got no competitors No natural predators No feelings in my legs or plans to leave the bed at all I would eat your disapproval if that shit was edible I said it all before but I'm repetitive And I'm also lazy He's the laziest man Laziest man in the world!