Everybody Goes to Hell

Candi Beth, watcha' doin'? Candi Beth, what are you doin'? I'm sorry Mom, I'm a pagan, sold my soul to Carl Sagan And I know that's your worst nightmare coming true Remember when you said you love god more than you love me No wonder I have these abandonment issues I might be a witch because I like burning candles And I have a crystal collection But you believe you're possessed by a man Who offers you cosmic protection Don't pray for me, I don't need to be forgiven Everybody goes to hell in somebody else's religion We all want to have the answers, and we all want to go to heaven But everybody goes to hell in somebody else's religion Religion I'm sorry Dad I'm a heathen, I'm happy with my demons I discovered they're a part of who I am And I know you'll be embarrassed when you see the truth about My life and sexuality on Instagram But your version of god sounds like my abusive ex The one I was too scared to leave Do I really deserve to be tortured forever Because I no longer believe Don't pray for me, I don't need to be forgiven Everybody goes to hell in somebody else's religion We all want to have the answers, and we all want to go to heaven But everybody goes to hell in somebody else's religion Religion So ring the bells, light the effigy Burn the witch if that's what you think of me I didn't lose my faith, I threw it away Ring the bells, light the effigy Burn the witch if that's what you think of me I didn't lose my faith, I threw it away, I threw it away Don't pray for me, I don't need to be forgiven Everybody goes to hell in somebody else's religion We all want to have the answers, and we all want to go to heaven But everybody goes to hell in somebody else's religion Religion I just want to take a moment to apologize To anyone I might have hurt And to anyone I tried to convert Either successfully, or unsuccessfully Uh, to my best friend Justine I'm really sorry about that time I called you In the middle of the night And I begged you to accept Jesus as your Savior so you wouldn't go to hell That was really shitty And um, to my Mom and Dad I love you