cut my fingers off

I fear the people I love most And a disappointed face My unconditional blindfolds And a life that I could waste (ah-ah) Now I never sit up straight And I don't fit the mold (mold) Crying all over ivory was never my goal I cut my fingers right off, and you told me to reach out But I'm all alone in my head, so I've married my doubts Now I need someone to trust while I lie to myself No strings attached, I need a thread It's like I'm dead Lone wolf, thought I'd do better on my own (ah-ah) Lost in a survival TV show And it's so manufactured, my brain's getting louder Rejecting the flowers Memorized all the smells of my bed's living hеll Now my pillow is missing a cold side I cut my fingers right off, and you told me to reach out But I'm all alone in my head, so I've married my doubts Now I need someone to trust while I lie to myself No strings attached, I need a thread It's like I'm dead