The Fullness of My Being

How many years have I spent aloom? Decades weaving, all my time consumed My head swim with melodies, perfumes Obsessing what they'd etch on my tomb The sleepless nights staring at the moon Green smoke crawling out my mouth in plumes Let's drop to the edges of my gloom Dreaming states in the vanities of youth I am the other, the lowest Imposter syndrome, always forced to prove I am a lover, a poet Grander ego gave me more to lose I should have known After all this time in grace I was so close to serenity And I should have felt While struggling for peace I was only ever fighting, torturing me My own worst enemy Like trash What y'all ain't answer? None All the time spent scheming I couldn't hear my soul scream I murder fantasy What at stake? The only way to follow is blindly My eyes are open Bound back to loyalty My eyes are open I made a nightmare of my dream I was so close to serenity I was only ever fighting me I should have known After all this time in grace I was so close to serenity And I should have felt While struggling for peace I was only ever fighting, torturing me Now that I've stopped to rest I've gained clarity My perception widening All the frustrations that I felt Clinging so tightly to identity Was a dissonance of thought War between action and belief A house can't serve two masters For years, I chose so carelessly The work became an idol I offered praise up tirelessly Once I cast it from me My suffering spirit found harmony As I forsake my false sense of self I embrace the fullness of my being The fullness of my being Fullness of my being The fullness of my being! I should have known After all this time in grace I was so close to serenity And I should have felt While struggling for peace I was only ever fighting, torturing me