Nothing Was the Same

I chose to believe every word I was fed And I thought the coals on my back were a product of the lack you left When you stepped back and racked your brain for a reason to stay But you could not seem to formulate any such thought in your head So you left with nothing more than a reason you kept silent And my mind would riot, stuck in self-perpetuated mental violence and dreams kept private The amibition to fix this wishlist of selfish, misfit, realist missions Contained within a vision of wishful thinking and sinking deep into a new bit of misproportioned emotions Leaking through a seeping truth, constructed by my need to feel important When you would look back and think of all the little things you regret I just wanted you think of me when you'd think back to all the things you regret I spent so much time convincing myself that the rest of this mess that I stressed Within this relationship was a product of the world's oppressions Not my deep desire to be needed And it's hard to admit, but I guess I've come to terms with the fact that I just want to be needed And I convinced myself that I needed to be needed And if that was true, I would still be smiling like you still today, but for different reasons I chose to dismiss the possible instance that the lips I love to kiss could form the words "goodbye" And it was a simple lie, but I told it to you, like the captain of a sinking ship Choosing to believe the bottom of the ocean was a better source of oxygen It's so nice and I still chose to believe, I misinterpreted your dialect and everything you said about it Your diction and diatribe, posture, body language, and connotations all pointing in the same direction The selection of contingent messages postponed until further notice Because I was ashamed to admit the problem and pretend your happiness came from me and that your happiness was important But we aborted the sordid truths we once distorted when I saw the shape of your dress when you wore it And that was enough until it wasn't And that's when you finally felt supported So the others courted you and you mentally recorded and endorsed The force perform, of compliments you received came in And you felt empowered enough to take your final bow And find love within the arms of another, instead of this heart of mine And that's fine, because I would do the same and I would leave me Not because I'm useless and not because I'm broken Not because I'm sad and not because I'm worthless But because I saw value in your smile and not in your values And I'm sorry and I love you And that's why I can finally sleep at night Because you are free and you can thrive And I'm just happy I got to be a part of your life I'm just happy I got to be a part of the journey that you call your life And I finally feel fine, 'cause I spent so long trying to change you Not realizing I was the one who needed to change I was selfish to assume you loved me more than you loved yourself Even though I never felt the same And there's so many things that my selfishness tried to take away But you were the one that was the hardest to watch walk away But thank you for letting me be a part of everything you were building and creating And finding truth in life and you were relating so much beauty And I love you and I'm sorry Thank you for letting me be a part of your journey Thank you for letting me be me And thank you for setting me free And showing me love Showing me love in its full capacity