The Old Dun Cow

Some friends and I In a public house Were playing dominos one night Into the room the barman came His face all chalky white "What's up?" says Brown "Have you seen a ghost? Have you seen your Aunt Mariah?" "Oh me Aunt Mariah be buggered!" said he "The bloody pub's on fire!" "On fire!" says Brown "What a bit of luck Everybody follow me Down to the cellar, if the fire's not there We'll have a rare old spree!" So we all went down after good old Brown Booze we could not miss And we weren't there 5 minutes or more 'Til we were all half pissed And there was Brown, upside down Lickin' up the whiskey off the floor "Booze! Booze!" the firemen cried As they came knockin' at the door Don't let them in till it's all mopped up Somebody shouted "MacIntyre" (MacIntyre!) And we all got blue blind Paralytic drunk When the Old Dun Cow caught fire Then Smith went over To the port wine tub Gave it a few hard knocks Started takin' off his pantaloons Likewise his shoes and socks "Hold on!" Says Brown "We can't have that! You can't do that in here! Don't go washin' your trotters In the port wine tub When we've got all this Lite beer" And there was Brown, upside down Lickin' up the whiskey off the floor "Booze! Booze!" the firemen cried As they came knockin' at the door Don't let them in till it's all mopped up Somebody shouted "MacIntyre" (MacIntyre!) And we all got blue blind Paralytic drunk When the Old Dun Cow caught fire Just then there came an awful crash Half the bloody roof gave way We were drowned in the fireman's hose Still, we were going to stay So we got some tacks And our old wet slacks And nailed ourselves inside And we sat there swallyin' Pints of stout Till we were bleary-eyed! And there was Brown, upside down Lickin' up the whiskey off the floor "Booze! Booze!" the firemen cried As they came knockin' at the door Don't let them in till it's all mopped up Somebody shouted "MacIntyre" (MacIntyre!) And we all got blue blind Paralytic drunk When the Old Dun Cow caught fire