They Made a Pig the Pilot

They made a pig the pilot.

Then strapped him in the seat;

They locked him in the cockpit

And handed him the keys.

He’d never flown a plane before

And oh the plot it thickens

Cause the crew he welcomed through the door

Were classified as chickens

“Perhaps consult a wisened owl,”

One field mouse explained,

“You picked a flock of flightless fowl

To help you fly a plane!”

“Every flight that’s taken off,”

Said pig, “They’re all disasters!

I’ve watched them from my feeding trough.

Why, I’m the flying master!”

“See I don’t need the training

And science is a fraud

What matters are your ratings

And the Emmy’s that you’ve got

Here we go, again

So hold on my dear

Here we go again

Same old shit

In a different year

Well, soon the engine’s stalling,

The wings are both on fire,

The altitude is falling

And he oinks, “We’re going higher!”

This caused a great confusion

Amongst those in the cabin

This seemed like an illusion

Instead of what was hap’nin

Half the seats were sold to sheep

Who sat there loudly chewing,

Just list’nin’ to the fox decree

How well the pig was doing.

And wolves walked up and down the aisles

While dressed up in disguise,

And made a killing selling piles

Of bibles, hats and fries.

The other seats were occupied

By horses, ducks and cows.

“Please get us off the plane!” they cried

“It doesn’t matter how!”

Here we go, again

So hold on my dear

Here we go again

Same old shit

In a different year

The plane was out of all control;

The cabin pressure waned.

“I alone can fix it, though”

The piggy then explained.

Then masks with ample air supply

Descended from the lights

And all the sheep refused them. Why?

‘Cause freedom and their rights.

The minutes turned to hours

As the day turned into night

When at last the landing tower

And the runway were in sight!

A smoking wreck of mangled steel,

Titanium and glass,

It touched down on its wobbly wheels

And landed long at last.

The pig picked up the intercom

And swallowed down the key

And then he said, “I won’t be leaving now

So you’re all stuck with me.”

Here we go, again

So hold on my dear

Here we go again

Same old shit

In a different year

But airline regulations

Insisted that the jet

Would stay here at the station

And couldn’t leave quite yet;

The animals upon that flight

Would get to have a say

To pick a proper pilot

If they wanted it that way

The passengers would cast their votes,

And chose their future captain

And history that day was wrote

Can you guess what happened?

Here we go again

So hold on tight

Here we go again

Same old shit

On a different flight