Yo Girl

Martha Dumptruck took a belly flop off the Old Mill Bridge last night

Holding a suicide note

Oh, my god

Is she dead?

Just some broken bones!

Just another geek trying to imitate the popular people

And failing miserably

Yo girl, keep it together

I knew you would come far

Now you're truly a Heather

Smell how gangsta you are

Martha, I'm so sorry

Yo girl, feel a bit punchy?

She's not looking so well

Still, you've earned that red scrunchie

Come join Heather in hell

Where have you been?

We've been worried sick!

Your friend JD stopped by

He told us everything

Everything?

Your depression?

Your thoughts of suicide?

He even showed us your copy of Moby Dick!

He's got your handwriting down cold

Please, honey, talk to us!

No, you wouldn't understand

Try me!

I've experienced everything you're going through right now

Guess who's right down the block?

Your problems seem like life and death

Guess who's climbing the stairs?

I promise, they're not

Guess who's picking your lock?

You don't know what my world looks like

Time's up! Go say your prayers!

Veronica's running on, running on fumes now

Veronica's totally fried

Veronica's gotta be trippin' on shrooms now

Thinkin' that she can hide

Veronica's done for, there's no doubt now

Notify next of kin

Veronica's trying to keep him out now

Too late! He got in

Knock, knock!

Sorry for coming in through the window

Dreadful etiquette, I know

Get out of my house!