I'm Growing a Beard Downstairs for Christmas (feat. The Beards)

When I was a girl Just a little girl I couldn't wait 'til I became a woman And I could grow a thatch of curls A deep dark forest to keep me warm in this cold world And days became weeks Weeks became months Months turned to years And it was like magic It grew and grew The greatest bush That the kingdom ever knew But at the turn of the millenium A fever gripped the land It was decreed that all the women Look like little girls again But now I'm growing a beard downstairs for christmas Growing a downstairs beard for you I'm growing a beard downstairs for christmas Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby I'm growing it strong and true Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby When I was a boy Just a little boy I was embarrassed by my body's changes But then one day at the local pool I saw a life guard with hair growing out of his anus I was so impressed It looked like Tom Selleck's chest He was so proud as he towlled it down I couldn't wait to cultivate My very own hairy bum gown But at the turn of the millenium Spandex gripped the land Every back sack and crack was attacked with wax Now I'm growing it back A gift for you to unwrap Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for christmas Growing a downstairs beard for you I'm growing a beard downstairs for christmas Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby I'm growing it strong and true Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby We'll keep each other warm at night With our jingle bell hairy stalactites We'll watch each other grow and grow I'll stick to you I'll stick to you Like velcro Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for christmas Growing a downstairs beard for you I'm growing a beard downstairs for christmas Growing it big, growing it thick Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for christmas Growing a downstairs beard for you I'm growing a beard downstairs for christmas Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby I'm growing it strong and true Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby