The Ballad of Farquaad

My Daddy was a miner So he wasn't much around. Foraging for diamonds A life spent underground. Daddy didn't talk much He barely said "Hello." He'd simply mutter, "Heigh, ho." And off to work he'd go Daddy was grumpy My Momma was a princess Who left her crown behind Daddy was her true love, So Momma didn't mind. I never knew my Momma But she could've been a queen She married way beneath her... Beneath her knee, I mean Oh, Daddy's bed was lumpy So Mommy couldn't sleep Daddy built a new one So tall and so steep! Twenty five mattresses she slept upon One night she rolled over... And Momma was gone So Daddy was grumpy! Me and my old man A tale as old as dirt A bitter, distant father, In a tiny undershirt. Daddy up and left me Left me good as dead Now he lives in squalor... Sleepin' seven to a bed! Oh, if you could only see me now, Daddy, I'd invite you to the wedding But you have to be this tall to get in! My bride-to-be is gorgeous! Her wedding dress, designer! The guest list will be major! Without a minor miner! Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Packs of royal lackeys Playing violin Strings of royal underlings Who will not let you in Ha, ha! Ha, ha! Ha, ha! Tricked out carriage! Tricked out carriage. Twenty stallions! Twenty stallions. With a coachman named Raoul With a coachman named Roul! Big reception Big reception With a boy band With a boy band And a royal DJ by the pool! Yes, I can see my future And so it shall be done It's total domination With some torture just for fun. 'Cause I will have my wedding And I will have a queen And once I get that crown on, You will get the guillotine And I'll punish you, Daddy 'Cause I'm all grown-up And bigger than you'll ever know! You're gonna pay, Daddy! It's any day, Daddy! I'm off to work! Heigh, ho!