Whoever Said Gambling's for Suckers

It was a Sunday, a normal day at the track I'd hedged my bets and cashed my checks for the week I mean, the track was wet so the dogs were running slow Plus the cold air made the starting gates jam But I did alright Other than that, a normal day at the track Everyone had left except for one of the trainers Who'd lost nearly everything on his last dog So he was drinking like a priest at the rapture Stacy was working She had just broken up with her boyfriend Who'd skipped town with her car and her life's savings that morning So she was on edge It took nothing more than for me to ask her how she was doing And she flipped That was it She reached under the bar back and pulled out a big, shiny .44 And pointed it straight at my head The startled and broken dog trainer, to my left Welled up and then threw up all over my shoes And I just got those cleaned, as well Stacy told me to give her my car, my day's take Or she'd spray the back wall with my cerebellum At first I was rocked, shocked, and taken aback By her half-cocked, locked, and stocked .44 But then the strangest thing happened That look in her eye; no fear, no compromise Sent me on a spin, I could've taken her right there and then She had me sweating, that was for sure But not from fear, from lust I trusted her volition was in no condition to drive So I said Hold me hostage, put the gun against my head Hold me hostage, honey, you heard what I said At this point, Dale, the dog trainer, had passed out From either too much sorrow-drowning and whiskey-pounding Or just fainted out of fear, which I didn't understand The man had nothing left A perfect night to feel the hand of death And what a way to go, all it would've taken was some barroom heroics And Stacy would've wasted him So now it was me and her, and I couldn't break her gaze Me and her dreaming of all the ways we could spend our days Still, confusion stood heavy on her complexion So I said again Hold me hostage, put the gun against my head Hold me hostage, honey, you heard what I said Still looking impatient and confused I decided I would explain my arousal And state my proposal That she and I, with love in eyes, and trust Be thrust into blood-lust together Forever and ever, until vengeance do we part And I said again Hold me hostage, put the gun against my head Hold me hostage, honey, you heard what I said Then I said Take me with you, take me whilst you can Take me with you, honey, I'll hunt down your man After still questioning the persistence in my assistance I lied and said that, as a bookie, I was used to this bounty-hunting kind of thing And that we could find him, kill him Retrieve her life's savings and the beat-up old Pontiac And be back before the track open again on Wednesday I said as payment, for my act of chivalry/hired mercenary Would be that she fed me, bathed me, and made love to me With the same bold conviction as she felt for her burgeoning retribution As I looked deeper into her eyes I thought, was she really gonna take me? To have and to hold... hostage In sickness and in health And in bullet-riddled wealth So I said Take me with you, take me whilst you can Take me with you, honey, I'll hunt down your man And then it happened She slowly walked along the bar back Knocking each bottle of cheap swill off the shelf with each swing of her hips As she rounded the service alley She unclasped her bra, threw it on the bar Straddled me on my stool, said, "You crazy fool," And kissed me Long and slow Gun around my neck and neckline full of sweat She took me right there and then on the floor Next to poor old Pale Dale (She said) I'll take you with me, take you while I can I"ll take you with me, honey, you can be my man So we took off, drove around for a couple of weeks Making whoopee the whole way long Found her man, empty pockets We left him lying in a pool of his own urine Couldn't kill him No fun shooting a coward, anyhow So we took the Pontiac and opened a bar back in Savannah She pours the shots, and I run the slots Been married seven years Living off quarters and beers She still brings the gun to bed every now and then Gets her kissin' through my submission So there it is; The last and best bet I ever made Whoever said gambling's for suckers?