Asterisk

Asterisk [beat by deiontrae lawrence | 90 bpm]

Naw, & it ain’t even therapy.

It’s not even close.

Huh.

But it’s what i got …

& it’s for you—

For me, too.

Yes, yes.

[1] it’s hard to focus.

I know that i should know this,

But that don’t really matter, so i wrote this.

& i quote, “it’s

Better to learn it than leave it all to hope since

The game you playing now don’t come with tokens.”

Some of my folks went

By the wayside,

Still insisting that they tried.

Memories of them late nights

Never make it to daylight.

They like

The idea of a **** saying “fuck it. i’m gone”

But never think that wasn’t what i was on.

That’s what i say to me

‘cause i don’t really talk to people often.

An asterisk i’ll add to all my losses.

Where you wanna be

& what you understand will be the cost is

Something to consider when you off

Inventing the life you wanna live,

Then the life you gonna live,

& the life you used to live

Will be incongruent. it’s

Different when you do it than

When you thought you knew it.

& saying who’s to blame

Is different than asking who is.

[hook] is it really a win when your team ain’t there?

Try to get you sleep & your dreams ain’t there.

All you want is to make a little something out of nothing you was given,

& you know it ain’t enough to just be living,

& you feeling like you going through the motions,

& it’s hitting you like rowing through an ocean,

& though you probably need a little help,

You only say that to yourself.

[2] i don’t remember the last night i slept right.

I used to love to dream

About the future i would make for myself

& other things would make it seem impossible to arrive

‘cause many folks ain’t make it there,

Ain’t even see twenty-five before they died.

Surviving ain’t like we was living at war,

But tell that story to the me i was at age twenty-four,

On that hospital bed,

Not even scared that i was thought to be dead.

Just prepared with all them “nots” in my head.

Like, “you not ‘bout to live.

Might as well get it out ‘fore you gone.”

& i can’t say i’m happy that i was wrong.

That’s what i think to me,

‘cause i don’t really talk to people often.

An asterisk i’ll add to all my losses.

Where you wanna be

& what you understand will be the cost is

Something to consider when you off

Inventing the life you wanna live,

Then the life you gonna live,

& the life you used to live

Will be incongruent

With now.

[hook] is it really a win when your team ain’t there?

Try to get you sleep & your dreams ain’t there.

All you want is to make a little something out of nothing you was given,

& you know it ain’t enough to just be living,

& you feeling like you going through the motions,

& it’s hitting you like rowing through an ocean,

& though you probably need a little help,

You only say that to yourself.

Is it really a win when your team ain’t there?

Try to get you sleep & your dreams ain’t there.

All you want is to make

A little something out of nothing you was given,

& you know it ain’t enough to just be living,

& you feeling like you going through the motions,

It’s hitting you like rowing through an ocean,

& though you probably need a little help,

You only say that to yourself.

… that’s what decatur people did. with careful planning & good spirit, they have worked together to make day-to-day living pleasant, helpful, & constructive. yes, there is a difference deep inside decatur. from a distance, it looks like any other american town.

It could be your town.