From God's Perspective

There's things I don't want to be misconstrued in my act that I feel often are I don't want you leaving my show thinking that I think I know better than people Or that I, that I think I'm better than people in general, um Okay, I just wanted to put that out there Uh, this is a song from the perspective of God The books you think I wrote are way too thick Who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn't be a dick? And I don't watch you when you sleep Surprisingly, I don't use my omnipotence to be a fucking creep You're not going to Heaven Why the fuck would you think I'd ever kick it with you? None of you are going to Heaven There's a trillion aliens cooler than you You shouldn't abstain from rape just 'cause you think that I want you to You shouldn't rape 'cause rape is a fucked up thing to do Pretty obvious, just don't fuckin' rape people, please Didn't think I had to write that one down for ya I don't think masturbation is obscene It's absolutely natural and the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen You make my job a living hell I sent gays to fix overpopulation, and boy, did that go well You're not going to Heaven Eat a thousand crackers, sing a million hymns None of you are going to Heaven You're not my children, you're a bad game of Sims You shouldn't abstain from pork just 'cause you think that I want you to You can eat pork, 'cause why the fuck would I give a shit? I created the universe, do you think I'm drawing the line at the fuckin' deli Isle? You argue and you bicker and you fight Atheists and Catholics, Jews and Hindus, argue day and night Over what they think is true But no one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you You pray so badly for Heaven Knowing any day might be the day that you die But maybe life on Earth could be heaven Doesn't just the thought of it make it worth the try? My love's the type of thing that you have to earn And when you earn it, you won't need it My love's the type of thing that you have to earn When you earn it, you won't need it I'm not gonna you love just 'cause I know that you want me to If you want love then the love is gonna come from you Thank you very much