To Learn

What can I say?

I'm learning to lie

But I'm living to learn

What to lie about

I’m losing again

From holding too tight

But I'm living to lose

What I can do without

I’ve played a few games

Where no score could be fitting

But I'm learning when winning is

Just not worth the sport

And I've been so ashamed

That I've run like the wind

But I'm learning about giving up

And sparing the horse

When I've been cruel

I’ve taken up self hatred

Procrastinating pains

Of finally seeing myself

But when I looked on the truth

And it bloomed for all its patience

There was ugliness and shame

But there was

Something else

What can I say?

I’m learning to die

But I'm living to learn