It Would Have Been Wonderful (Act Two)

Genre: Soundtrack RIFF-it good. Listen while you read! I should never have gone to the theater Then I'd never have come to the country If I never had come to the country Matters might have stayed as they were Sir, sir, if she'd only been faded, if she'd only been fat If she'd only been jaded and bursting with chat If she'd only been perfectly awful It would have been wonderful If she'd only been bitter or better, looked passably old If she'd been covered with glitter or even been covered with mold It would have been wonderful But the woman was perfection to my deepest dismay Well, not quite perfection, I'm sorry to say If the woman were perfection, she would go away And that would be wonderful Sir, sir, if she'd only looked flustered or admitted the worst If she only had blustered or simpered or cursed If she weren't so awfully perfect It would have been wonderful If, if, if she'd tried to be clever, if she'd started to flinch If she'd cried or whatever, a woman would do in a pinch If I'd been certain she never again could be trusted an inch It would have been wonderful But the woman was perfection, not an action denied The kind of perfection I cannot abide If the woman were perfection, she'd have simply lied Which would have been wonderful If she'd only been vicious, if she'd acted abused Or a bit too delicious, or been even slightly confused If she had only been sulky or bristling, or bulky, or bruised It would have been wonderful If, if, if she'd only been willful, if she only had fled Or a little less skillful, insulted, insisting in bed If she had only been fearful or married, or tearful, or dead It would have been wonderful But the woman was perfection and the prospects are grim That lovely perfection that nothing can dim Yes, the woman was perfection so I'm here with him Sir, sir, it would have been wonderful