Draft Dodger Rag

Oh, I'm just a typical American boy From a typical American town I believe in God and Senator Dodd And a-keepin' old Castro down And when it came my time to serve I knew, "Better dead than red" But when I got to my old draft board, buddy This is what I said "Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat My asthma's getting worse" "Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear And my poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm working in a defense plant" "I've got a dislocated disc and a wracked up back I'm allergic to flowers and bugs And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs" "I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes I can hardly reach my knees And if the enemy came close to me I'd probably start to sneeze" "I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat My asthma's getting worse" "Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear And my poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm working in a defense plant" "Ooh, I hate Chou En Lai and I hope he dies But one thing you gotta see That someone's gotta go over there And that someone isn't me" "So I wish you well, sarge, give 'em hell Kill me a thousand or so And if you ever get a war without blood and gore I'll be the first to go" "Yes, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat My asthma's getting worse" "Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear And my poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm working in a defense plant"