Day One

Who is that (who is that?) Emerging from his burrow? Who can see today what we won't see until tomorrow? Shaman of the shadows, springer of the spring Springer of the spring, Come on! Is it a squirrel? Is it a beaver? Kinda both but not quite either That's right woodchuck-chuckers it's Groundhog Day We're live from Gobblers Knob talking about everything Weather Predictions Temperature The weather It's just nuts Totally wacky That's our town on February second I mean what could be crazier than groundhogs in February? Good morning, this is your wakeup call Thank you Happy Groundhog Day Yeah, happy Groundhog Day That's a great hat you're wearing Thanks, I made it myself Lumpy bed, ugly curtains Pointless erection Dried flowers, damp towels No reception Small towns, tiny minds Big mouths, small ideas WoooodCHUCKS Shallow talk, deep snow, cold fronts Big rears Now, how cold was it last year? In degrees? I heard they don't even use degrees in Europe That's a good point! GREAT point! Lotta mysteries out there One bar, one store, one clock One diner, one bank, one cop Now the question on everyone's lips Chapped lips Do you think Phil will see his shadow? I mean, what's not to like in a quaint little place like this? Who doesn't dig a crocheted pillowcase like this? Watercolors of bucolic vistas, painted by octogenarian spinsters and All of the people just getting together for Relentless analysis of the weather their Dumb superstitions and vacuous chat I'm sure there was a pack of Xanax in this jacket! You couldn't pay me to stay here one more night Swear that there is no cheque you could write That might tempt me to stay and wake up in the morning in Punxsutawney Ba-da-bap-bap-ba-da-da-ba-da There's nothing more depressing than, small town, USA And small don't come much smaller than Punxsutawney on Groundhog Day Ba-da-bap-bap-ba-da-da-ba-da There's nothing more depressing than, small town USA And small don't come much smaller than Punxsutawney on Groundhog Day I've not a bad word to say about small towns per-say They're nice for an hour or at a stretch, half a day And they're perfect for a stop off on your way, on your way to somewhere else Pretty much ... anywhere else And I've no qualm at all with your small town people I admire their balls getting out of bed at all To face another day in a shit hole this small All haystacks and horses where there should be golf courses and - One bar, one store, one clock One diner, one bank, one cop How can they bear it, to live in a place like this? Separate from the whole human race like this One little store selling plaid shirts and rakes And it's huntin' and fishin' and half-pounder steaks And if I have a hope of a better career than this This is the last time I'm broadcasting here, Jesus I have been forecasting too many years to be talking to hicks about magical beavers When I'm done I'm gonna call up the station and tell them I'm through with this crap! And never again will I wake in the morning in - Punxsutawney Is a little town with a heart as big as any town, as any small town In the USA and there is no town greater than Punxsutawney on Groundhog Day! Tomorrow I'll wake and I'll call up the station and tell 'em I'm not coming back And never again will I wake in the morning in - Every morning I wake to the dawning of Never again will I wake in the morning in Punxsutawney Is a little town with a heart as big as any town There's nothing more depressing than small town, USA! And there is no town smaller than Punxsutawney on Groundhog There's nothing more depressing than small town, USA! And there is no town smaller than Punxsutawney on Punxsutawney on Punxsutawney on Groundhog - Just kill me now Day! Who is that (who is that?) Emerging from his burrow? Who can see today what we won't see until tomorrow? Shaman of the shadows, springer of the spring Is it a squirrel? Is it a beaver? Kinda both but not quite either All the meteorologists the world has ever known Cannot match this little guy's uncanny skill! We can guess but we won't know if we should dress for sun or snow Until we hear it from old Punxsutawney Phil Every year for a hundred years We've bent our heads and lent our ears To listen to his famed prognostication Lucky for you I speak with ease Both English and Groundhogese! Please stand by for imminent translation! This brown log containeth one Groundhog The famous Philip of Punxsutawney Gifted sniffer of future mornings The finest specimen you will find of Rodentia Sciuridae Our own uncanny whistlepig! The groundest hog that ever lived! A hundred years and he is still The pride of Punxsutawney! The prophet of the age! Prognosticating Punxsutawney Phil! Who is that (who is that?) Emerging from his burrow? Who can see today what we won't see until tomorrow? Shaman of the shadows, springer of the spring! Is it a squirrel? Is it a beaver? Kinda both but not quite either All the meteorologists the world has ever known Cannot match this little guy's uncanny skill! We can guess but we won't know if we should dress for sun or snow Until we hear it from old Punxsutawney Phil! Punxsutawney Phil, Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of prognosticators Has declared in Groundhogese That he did indeed see his shadow! Six more weeks of winter! All the meteorologists the world has ever known Cannot match this little guy's uncanny skill! We can guess but we won't know if we should dress for sun or snow Until we hear it from old Punxsutawney Phil! February second, first remote broadcast GHD in Punx, PA Unexpected weather Seems we're staying here for another night Which is kind of fine It's a sweet town and people are kind and The bartender's kinda hot Hopefully tomorrow, the roads will be cleared and we can go home Working with Phil Connors They all told me he would be an asshole ... and he is Luckily he's funny ... ish Thinks he's too good for this Tomorrow spring will come (spring will come) There will be blue skies my friend Bright eyes and laughter Tomorrow there will be sun (there will be sun) But if not tomorrow perhaps the day aaa