This Time (feat. Keith Fontano)

I let somebody in, and then it killed me Sometimes I hate that I always feel things 'Cause everything I care for is always leaving Me and my heart need to have a meeting, look Fighting all the demons that are living in my mind Can't be looking back, when you leave it all behind "Coulda, woulda, shoulda," yeah, I hear it all the time I got so much to say, but all I say is, "nevermind" So let me let you in for a couple of minutes Praying to God like, "Could you give me a minute?" Forgive me for the ways that I've been living I said that I'd be different, I know you don't see a difference, but You gave me this life, I'm just playing the cards Every time I pray, I don't know where to start Grocery shopping, never filling the cart There's food for thought, I need food for the heart, yeah Got my hoodie up, earphones all in I didn't go to work, I hardly call in Told my mom, "Look, I gotta be all in" Friends hit me up like, "When we ballin'?" The girl I used to love, we're hardly talkin' 'Cause I'm locked and I'm chasing a dream, sleepwalkin' I'm lost in the fact that money's just costin' me This the life that I need, all this ink that I bleed Is to paint you a picture they don't want you to see That they don't want you to be, to find the happier things Money, clothes, women all material things Will walk out and leave, but one day you'll see Tryna find my way on this one-way street Staring at this road like it's you and me I'm not gonna run this time From what I've buried deep inside It's time I left it all behind So I won't, I won't, I won't Run this time "I love you more" to "how you been?" Same feelings every time again Said we'd stay friends, but we ain't friends Yeah, come on now, really man, it feels so silly You feel that you get me, but you don't really get me You don't wanna talk, you think you know what I'm feeling Oh you keep it a hundred? Okay, I'll keep it a milli You lost out, and I'm coping Tryna hang these feelings, but I'm roped in When I say I'm heartless, I ain't jokin' Why do I keep something with me that's broken? Losing my patience, I'm out of it Bringing up things that I've done like I'm proud of it Making myself, can you tell that I'm adamant? Christmas is coming and I'm wanting all of it If you don't get it now, you gotta get it yourself Nobody thought I would be here, nobody thought I would sell I look at myself, only one thing I can tell If I could be anybody, it'd be nobody else 24/7 I'm lookin' for heaven, I wonder, am I doin' enough? You give us this freedom to we do what we want—and this sin is just put in our cups So tell me what I'm supposed to do, show me what I'm supposed to see 'Cause seems like everybody knows who I am and the kind of person I'm supposed to be Finding myself in a world that is lost, my back has been living on walls Gripping this mic like it's all that is left, without music I'm nothing at all, 'cause I'm not gonna run this time From what I've buried deep inside It's time I left it all behind So I won't, I won't, I won't Run this time I'm a waiter waiting on tables Waiting for tables to turn You live and you learn In this life it ain't about the money that you made But what did you earn Did you give love or did you take it When she said "I love you," did you break it? When she started to cry, did you face it? When you broke her heart, did you replace it? Looking back at my past, I'm regretting a lot of it All in my head, I've been tryna get out of it Losing myself just to find who I am Taking a leap just to find where I stand Getting impatient, like when will I make it? They tell me stop waiting, like go out and take it Chasing a dream, but, like, what am I chasing? Alone in my room, I've been constantly pacing I look at myself and the things that I've said Things I've let go, all the people I've kept Investing in love, can you tell I'm in debt? We fell so in love, like, did you forget? Forget it, I'll pick up the mess and I'll leave it to rest Close up the hole that you left in my chest In love with a stranger, man, who would've guessed? So I pick up this pen like it's all I got left I'm not gonna run this time From what I've buried deep inside It's time I left it all behind So I won't, I won't, I won't Run this time