Losing Time

Everyday I lose more time to fear and panic that rises so quick So it's time for me to pack up and head for more familiar grasses To ensure this mindless joke that passes for an existence In 60 months a quarter day still felt okay Then pounding like a nail right through my skull comes all my memory In just 5 years half the day is spent in blissful ignorance With half a day of darkness, hope, gloom, beauty, and memories And now I'm here with just fifteen minutes of sadness and fear And a day spent in a haze of nauseating deja vu And fractured nights spent trying to remember you Five years spent in a fog of denial distilled in bottles, capsules, and smoke Trying to hide from the monster, that ugly beast made of memory But now I'd cry if I saw it rushing round the corner, shambling towards me Not out of guilt or fear No, it's more the fact that I am losing myself I'll take my feelings off the the shelf Embrace that shambling beast who holds my pain, who will inspire my last refrain I've lived over a life and a half No wonder my head is forgetting this sick monotonous life I'm somehow living While unable to truly live, and still fucking incapable of dying When I don't remember I'm less alone But when that memory revolver empties its chamber I will bite the goddamn barrel But I'll remember for that one second back when I met you With just one second to remember you It makes me see the wreck I've turned into And it's scary, depressing, boring, indescribable, crazy, and yeah It murders those five years spent trying to forget you