Pirelli's Miracle Elixir

Ladies and gentlemen

May I have your attention, please

Do you wake every morning in shame and despair

To discover your pillow is covered with hair

Or ought not to be there?

Well, ladies and gentlemen

From now on, you can waken at ease

You need never again have a worry or care

I will show you a miracle, marvelous, rare

Gentleman, you are about to see something

Wot rose from the dead

On the top of my head

T'was Pirelli's

Miracle Elixir

That's what did the trick, sir

True, sir, true

Was it quick, sir?

Did it in a tick, sir

Just like an elixir

Ought to do

How about a bottle mister?

Only costs a penny guaranteed

Does Pirelli's

Stimulate the growth, sir?

You can have my oath, sir

'Tis unique

Rub a minute

Stimulatin', innit?

Soon you'll have to thin it

Once a week!

Pardon me, ma'am, what's that awful stench?

Are we standing near an open trench?

Pardon me, sir, what's that awful stench?

Must be standing near an open trench

Buy Pirelli's

Miracle Elixir

Anything more slick, sir, soon sprouts curls

Try Pirelli's

When they see how thick, sir

You can have your pick, sir

Of the girls!

Wanna buy a bottle missus?

What is this?

What is this?

Smells like piss

Smells like, ew!

Looks like piss, this is piss, piss with ink (I wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear)

Let Pirelli's activate your roots, sir

Keep it off your boots, sir, eats right through

Yes, get Pirelli's, use a bottle of it

Ladies seem to love it

Flies do, too