International Jet Set

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen

This is your captain speaking

Welcome aboard DC10 flight number 1313

We will be cruising at a height of 25,000 feet

At an air speed of 600 miles per hour

Headphones will be provided on request

For our varied program of in-flight music

Have a good flight

Safety belts and sickness bags, jet lag, downer pills

Duty-free booze and fags make me feel ill

A vapor trail from A to B, away from normal sanity

It all seems so absurd to me

I've seen the carpets on the walls

Of hotels rooms around the world

I never want to hear the screams

Of the teenage girls in other people's dreams

Spread the disease from the South China Sea

To the beach hotel Malibu

Phone my girlfriend to ask her how's her weekend

I say, "Hi, Terry here," and she says, "Terry, who?"

("The hell are you?")

The businessmen are having fun

Are they on a different plane to me?

I've lost touch with reality

They all seem so absurd to me

Like well-dressed chimpanzees

Spend and spend and spend and spend

Will the Muzak never end?

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking

Due to expected engine failures

We will be forced to attempt an emergency landing

Please remain seated, extinguish all cigarettes, and fasten safety belts

Follow the emergency procedures laid out in the pamphlet located in front of your seats

For normal breathing, oxygen masks will be released from the compartment above your head

Please remain calm and follow the instructions of your stewardess at all times

This is a recording