Change My Past

It never goes away, I'm always looking back Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past? Feeling a type of way 'bout the past that I run from Night and day fade to black when I'm undone I feel lost constantly exhausted, double-crossed Still haunted by the monster I once was And when the sun's gone and there's no escape I feel the darkness take shape and show face There's no place, I never feel safe There's no change, hope fades, and I'll never be okay Never be the same, but I always feel close to Losing everything, it's almost like I'm supposed to I chose you, let you in and gave you a home to Become a part of me, but now I'm looking to ghost you I hoped you disappear, but you're attached I painted the mirror, I tried breaking the glass I see my face in the cracks, a refraction, I'm abstract Can't run from the past, but I'm keeping my bags packed It never goes away, I'm always looking back Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past? I'll never be okay, I'm seconds from collapse Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past? Gone is the vessel, now there's nothing inside me And God and the Devil are the voices behind me But they lie, designing blue skies While they guide me to a pasture where nobody will find me Down a road that I'm hoping to steer through To a home I thought I left in the rearview To a weird room, nothing to peer through Doors shut, curtains drawn, nobody can hear you All this time I've been holding myself hostage My hands tied and a blindfolded conscience Brainwashed and overly cautious I'm talking to myself in the cell that we're locked in A situation, I'm dying for some relief Negotiating the terms for my release I find keys to set myself free, then history repeats Nothing can save me It never goes away, I'm always looking back Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past? I'll never be okay, I'm seconds from collapse Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past? And I would be nothing without you And all that you made me And I would be nothing without you And how you destroy me It never goes away, I'm always looking back Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past? I'll never be okay, I'm seconds from collapse Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past?