Conversations (feat. Joe Budden)

Constantly accomplishing all of these new accomplishments Sometimes I wake up And feel like I ain't really accomplished shit Honestly it's stressful Thoughts as random as this bitch that I'm next to I know this conversation probably like pot to kettle I need your opinion, I could possibly be tripping My conclusions all the same, it be like fuck it or Smith 'N I need logic, I got skeletons in my closet Won't say I'm trying to clean it up, just sort it out Sharing with you shit that I thought about Huh, can't stop dreaming 'bout Joe, how I get these demons out? Voices in my head, I need to scream it out Man I did bad things, I ain't proud and I ain't glad things They was trying to press me I gave 'em Jordan; that's mad rings Buncha shit, tell me how you think I should handle it Or manage it, fuck I wasn't ready for this camera shit And grandma's sick, god damn man, grandma's sick Fuck I'm probably rambling, shit here I go rambling Something gotta give with it You don't get rid of your demons, you learn to live with it 4/5th in the capsule Painkillers for the nights you get sick with it Blinders over your eyes, nigga shit's vivid Get livid, shit twisted, it'll happen like a bad disaster And niggas see you like a battle rapper But you your own worst enemy, so when you leave Smack you have to have the real battle after You right, but I lost 3 homies in like 4 weeks Same place I call home, nothing 'bout Newark sweet And I don't keep it on me just so I could hold heat I keep it cause the reaper laying niggas in these cold streets If I go, how my daughter gon' eat? Who gon' tell her right from wrong, how my mama gon' sleep? Sheesh, they say when you speak it, you bring it in the flesh A few my niggas left and I'm feeling like a nigga next My nigga, stop it. You got time on your side like that Glock is That paranoia got you obnoxious Let me paint an angle: you ain't lose friends you gained angels So before bed you should be saying "thank you" And oh, far as your seed just be there and stay put You got a hand in rap and one in the streets Gotta be faithful to one when them two sides meet Me and my baby mama tried to work it out again Same results, was just running her mouth again Pushed me away, I won't lie, I dipped out again Here I go trying to freshly paint an old house again Do they always leave with more than they came with? Text you like they changed, turn around and be the same bitch Man I need answers Joe, I need answers Look, get you some shit to roll, a little cancer Get you a stack of ones, a couple dancers They'll make you king for the night, or maybe chancellor She'll think you still in the hood, standing on Chancellor Baby mom's wild whenever they get to chance to Useless arguments I never been a fan of That's 18 years of dealing with the banter Restraining order, she'll violate if you don't ban her That's payback for all the bullshit she think you hand her Okay well. Tylenol bottles full of Xans Couple 100s, couple bitches now I guess I got plans Can't let her get the best of me First she say fuck it, now she paragraph texting me I'm the reason we like this, well, allegedly Thoughts all scrambled, other bitches keep egging me Bugging out, fall asleep Creeping turn to breakfast in another house Wild sex with bitches that barely give they number out Always start with a chill Before the sex, before the feelings, before shit get real I felt like I ain't need her Felt shit change and started confiding in Karisha Swear it was something I ain't mean to do Then stopped giving a fuck when I found out she cheated too Unbelievable, who coulda guessed a nigga stressing said F it? Rebounds turned into a new possession, shit is getting hectic New possession, same shot clock Funny wherever I go, them same thots watch When in VIP unscrewing, playing Ciroc top So she think I'll jump for the box, playing hopscotch But I can't give you girl advice Not when I used to use girls as a vice Shit, sex was a drug, the orgasm was a high on it's own, man Knew they was addicted, they never got with the program Or was it codependency? In reverse, did I need them to depend on me? Showing unconditional love, no contingency Though I knew it wouldn't last, I pretended to be My aura never came off as apprehensive at least So if you listening, please, don't take this offensively It wasn't meant to be, you took a ride with the devil Jekyll and Hyde, makes sense that I was hiding Jekyll They couldn't take it any longer from me So it's odd they all moved around the corner from me Maybe they hoping we'll run into each other, that'll ruin you Sorta like a car to a deer, that's what y'all are to me, my dear Do you sleep better knowing that a part of me is near? But I'm so outta love you gotta pardon if I care I swear, the distaste stems from this space I think the love is lost, they think it's misplaced I think it's like, suddenly every bitch got time When I'm back home, I be feeling like LeBron They say you made it, I'm just thinking in my mind Like I ain't made it 'til I made a safe haven for my mom I think I fucked up too many times Don't think she fully understand the whole grind Wonder if Alana know why daddy go She can't get Doc mixed up as her daddy, bro I been there, playing a role, couldn't take it They told me you gotta fake it 'til you make it Against my will I tried everything to embrace it And then I transformed into everything that I hated I always picture me spending bank in the district Then I learned you get famous before you get rich They'll think you balling, you might have to bounce on Dudes counting your money You thought that you could count on Called my phone trying to book me for a fucking battle I'm still having battles of my own Some battles I don't feel strong enough to win Even if I did I rarely win them battles with Patron So pessimistic, I need to stop it, this shit ain't easy Alana called me yelling "Daddy I see you on TV" Why I be feeling stuck and shit? Like this money ain't cutting it? Different stages, different phases Different animals, different cages Different charges, that's different cases Been the same me all along with different aces Every month, different cops kill different faces They indifferent, wish it was happening to different races Different decade, can't tell we in different ages Same gang, same result, just different places I been trying to separate my wants from my needs Mom said I'm like my pops "That apple don't fall far from that tree" I couldn't quote her If he was anything like me we would definitely be closer But she kinda got a point, man I need to roll another joint So much come with that pop shit Whoever confronted that pop shit Deffo wish we was closer, I hate it but I chuck it up I was in the streets, a lost cause, I probably fucked it up I was younger though, that was just a lesson He left him when he really needed protection Say he and him, I hate saying us Late nights I was staying up, waiting Fell asleep thinking "I hate him" Cold hearted cause I gotta be, he ain't have to lie to me Man, why this shit even still bother me? Hold up, we all been fatherless At 13 I thought mine ain't wanna be bothered with But life come at you fast Buckle up or get buckled, there'll be harder hits Learn to guard your shit, regardless of what is Far as demons, gotta live with monsters at the crib I got experience, you need a nigga holla at the kid And I'll tell you how to grow up, better than myself Just some lessons that nobody knows better than myself