Momma hit Daddy. Daddy hit me. I was as unhappy as a boy could be

Momma had lovers. Daddy had drinks. Here I am, revealing to an uptown shrink

School was just painful, lovers were nil. I was ever needy, ever unfulfilled

Taunted as tiny; pudgy and dumb. Not a contender, barely fit for clubs

 And all the while I’ve been so sad and lonely

Internet surfing, chatting online, I discovered how to be the Love God kind

Hurray for the science, and all that it’s done; see me with the rifle that replaced my gun

And all the while I’ve been so sad and lonely

I grew two inches and I’m lovin’ it. Yeah, I’m lovin’ it. I'm so handsome

No more girls will be ignoring me. They’ll stare adoringly.

And see the big man I’ve become. Yeah, I’m a Casanova with my sexy ways

Bigger is better! The method I chose? I did the things I had to do to make me grow

And all the while I’ve been so sad and lonely

I grew two inches and I’m lovin’ it. Yeah, I’m lovin’ it. I'm so handsome

No more girls will be ignoring me. They’ll stare adoringly.

And see the big man I’ve become.

I grew two inches. Now I’m supersize. Open up your eyes. Behold my manhood

No more jokes and no more ridicule. I’m so cool. Each extra inch makes me feel good

So tell me, doctor, what am I to do? Is this improper, or am I a happenin’ dude?