The Ship Is Fine

There's not a thing wrong with this ship In fact, she is just fine But there would be some changes If this vessel it were mine Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere! I would have a great big deck Plated in solid gold! 'Cause being teased about my little deck Is really gettin' old! (happens a lot) I'd sail from south Tortuga All the way up to Quebec And in each port, I'd shout: Hey, sailor! Wanna ride my great big deck? (It's enormous! - it's okay, it's okay) There's not a thing wrong with this ship In fact, she is just fine But there would be some changes If this vessel it were mine Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere! Let's see, uh I'd get rid of all the water From down in the ballast hole (but we'll tip over!) And replace it with some good dark rum Where it can stay nice and cold! Every man aboard the ship can drink Until he's had his fill A- and the only rule we'd enforce Is that no one's allowed to spill! (How about that? Take that, you'd have to replace it later) There's not a thing wrong with this ship In fact, she is just fine But there would be some changes If this vessel it were mine Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere! I'd strip her down just to a rudder A mast and a wheel (minimalism!) I'd make her long and hard - and hollow And cover her in steel! (urr!) She'd be a giant floating cannon No need for cabins and walls! (we-we need them) And everyone would shiver When they saw the size of my balls! (I'm shivering already, you've seen them? They're huge!) There's not a thing wrong with this ship In fact, she is just fine But there would be some changes If this vessel it were mine Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere! I'd replace the bunks and hammocks With big four-poster beds (ooh, okay!) And I'd get rid of most the crew like you, lot And hire trollops on instead She'd be a floating brothel And I'd be her captain bow I'd have more fun than any pirate And I'd make a lot more gold (arrogant jerk) There's not a thing wrong with this ship In fact, she is just fine But there would be some changes If this vessel it were mine Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere! I'd get rid of all the sails And find something better than the wind (what?) Perhaps some sort of intermittent combustion engine With reciprocating pistons And a fuel source based on heat! We could - hey! - woah, woah, woah! Well, forget it you mooks Let's go with Devin's brothel plan Wouldn't that be sweet? (Yeaah!) There's not a thing wrong with this ship In fact, she is just fine But there would be some changes If this vessel it were mine Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere! Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!