This Year Has Been the Worst Yet

Like so many do, I made my resolutions on the first day of 2015 I promised myself I would learn to control Clean up the mess I had been Cause I've been fighting this world for so long now A wayward companion to those I love most I had it up to here, just fed up with myself I needed answers to questions that rose I really tried but, goddamn, way too easy I relapsed as I fought to deny I couldn't do this all by myself, cried for help Broke down, finally, blew my mind And there is so much to remember All the things I'd like to forget And not a day goes by without pain and regret This year has been the worst yet It took me months to get up and recover, at least to get through one day without sleep I still knew the intentions I made long ago and all the promises that I would keep Out of the blue you told me that you would leave me and when I found out you had someone new The panic, the fear, all these feelings of guilt for all the days I forgot to love you Forty years of feeling deserted and now I break down Accelerate the end 'cause the feeling I will always lose comes around (Still not sure whether to leave this here What if I would just disappear)