Thirty

There was a time you put your hand on the small of my back I was surprised that you touched me like that But there in your hand was a current of life I could hardly stand, I stayed still and I didn't mention it If I did, I'd have made some joke of it It was strange how I could feel so sane So plain when you're around And unbidden to me, there it rose, the fantasy Colored rose and easy Yeah, I could see it so simple, unsubtle, impossible, clearly and strange Far and as close as a mountain range on the horizon Driving all day, there I was, so sane So plain after everything Gas came down from a buck-twenty The joke was how it broke the economy anyhow The dollar was down, but my friends opened businesses There were new children and again, I didn't get married I wasn't close to my family And my dad was raising a child in Nairobi She was three now, he told me Gas stations I laughed in I noticed fucking everything The light, the reflections Different languages, your expressions We would fall down laughing Effervescent And all over nothing, all over nothing Just as though it was a joke my whole life through All of the pain and sorrow I knew All of the tears that had fallen from my eyes I can't say why we walked in the park under the shade I avoided your eyes I was ashamed of my own mind No SSRIs My day is dark as your night Oh, you got the kindest of eyes I cannot help but notice sometimes you know, as do I I cannot look twice without falling right into the sweet and the tender line Between something I can and can never be And just then an ambulance passed on the street And you took my arm reflexively That was the year I was 30 That was the year you were 31 That was the year that we lost, or we won That was the year I was 30 That was the year you were 31 That was that year, now here Now here is another one