A Musical

What the hell are musicals? It appears to be a play where the dialogue stops And the plot is conveyed through song Through song? (Yes) Wait, so an actor is saying his lines and then Out of nowhere, he just starts singing? (Yes) Well, that is the Stupidest thing that I have ever heard You're doing a play, got something to say So you sing it? It's absurd! Who on earth is goin' to sit there While an actor breaks into song? What possible thought could the audience think Other than, "This is horribly wrong?" Remarkably, they won't think that (Seriously? Why not?) Because, it's a musical, a musical And nothing's as amazing as a musical With song and dance, and sweet romance And happy endings happening by happenstance Bright lights, stage fights and a dazzling chorus You wanna be great, then you gotta create a musical I don't know, I find it hard to believe People would actually pay to see something like this Let's just say it's a Saturday night and you wanna go out on the town Got a lady to flatter who might give it up if you don't let her down You could go see a tragedy, but that wouldn't be very fun Or a play from Greek mythology See a mother have sex with her son (uh) You could go see a drama with all of that trauma and pain Or go see something more relaxing and less taxing on the brain Go see a musical, a musical A puppy piece, releasing all your bluesicals Where crooners croon (ah-ah-ah), a catchy tune And limber-legged ladies thrill you 'til you swoon Oohs, ahs, big applause, and a standing ovation The future is bright if you could just write a musical Some make you happy Some make you sad Some are quite big Some quite small Some are too long Some are just plays with song (oh) Some musicals have no talking at all (No talking at all?) That's right, there's no talking All of the dialogue is sung in a very dramatic fashion (Um, really?) Yes, really (There's no talk?) There's no talking And they often stay on one note for a very long time So that when they change to a different note, you'll notice And it's supposed to create a dramatic effect But mostly you just sit there asking yourself "Why aren't they talking?" (Sounds miserable) I believe it's pronounced "Misérables" And people actually like this? No, they love it, and what's not to love? It's such a delight, there's nothing quite like a musical Oh, another vision, I haven't even told you the best part yet Feel that fascinating rhythm moving to your feet Whoa, whoa, woo-hoo (uh, what is that?) Feel your ass gyrating to that titillating beat (Whoa, are you okay?) You slap your lap, then finger snap That's when you know it's time to tap (Ooh!) (What the hell are you doing now?) It's called a dance break Apparently this happens in musicals as well People on stage just burst into spontaneous dance (Why? Does it advance the plot?) No (Advance character?) Not necessarily (Then why do it?) Because, it's entertaining! Five, six, seven, eight! Another vision It's a musical, what ya talk, whatya talk? It's a musical, a seussical? No, a musical with girls on stage (A musical) We've got snappy repartee And the women are risqué And the chorus boys are kinda gay (A musical) A true, blue, new musical! Stand back, it's a musical Some musicals are very serious A big, glittering musical, a musical It's a musical for us A big and shiny, mighty finey Glitter, glitz, and chorus liney Bob your head and shake your hiney musical It's a musical (it's a musical) It's a musical (it's a musical) Yes, I get it now We'll do a musical (No kidding) A musical What could be more amazing than a musical With song and dance, and sweet romance And with a musical we might have half a chance Ooh's, ahh's, big applause with everyone cheering for us And for some unexplainable reason The crowd goes wild every time When dancers kick in unison In one big wonderful line And then you got yourself a musical A musical A la-la-la, la-la-la-la, a musical With flashy style and a big fake smile A snazzy band, some jazzy hands, I swear that I'll Cross my heart, hope to die If it isn't a doozy Take it from me They'll be flocking to see Your starlit, won't quit Big hit musical! A big hit musical!