I Hate My Roommate (feat. Zack Hansen & Ileigha Kohoutek)

Hello?

Hey, Whit, so, I know you're all working late

But on your way home if you could get me some milk

Um, some cream for my coffee, I like two per cent milk

If you can get whole, that's fine

But I actually like soy, that would be great

I also need some condoms

If you could just do that for me, that would be so awesome

Thanks so much, bye

The fuck?

Listen, every day I wake up I wish

I missed your ad on Craigslist

Now I'm stuck with you and your boyfriend too

Bitch, don't make me get violent

Where are my leftovers?

I put them in the fridge last night (the fuck)

Next to the milk on the shelf by the right

Then I woke up late with an appetite

To find you ate that shit? Party foul

So I dumped all your Bacardi out

All you do is drink and you never clean

And you never even try to take the garbage out

I think our neighbours hate us

And I know why

You had a party last night, and then threw up outside (ew)

Dear roomie, I really hate your guts

You leave a bunch of shit around and never pick it up

And your boyfriend, boyfriend

I won't even pretend that I like that guy

He eats my food and doesn't pay the rent (fuck that)

(Mo-mo-move out) move out

(Mo-mo-move out) you gotta go

(Mo-mo-move out) leave

(Mo-mo-move out) bitch, please

In my room tryna study for a test

But I can't really do it 'cause you're fucking having sex so loud

And the landlord sent me 20 texts

I wrote a check, but you didn't pay the rent, bitch

Ugh, I'ma choke you

When the lease ends, we are so through

Take your man, take the cat, take the car

And the ugly ass couch, that shit gotta go too, ugh

You're in the bathroom like all the time

Taking 50 selfies, bitch

You really ain't that fine, I gotta pee, come on

Yo, I really gotta go

Don't you have a job? Okay, I'ma write a note

There's something you gotta know

Dear roomie, I really hate your guts

You leave a bunch of shit around and never pick it up

And your boyfriend, boyfriend

I won't even pretend that I like that guy

He eats my food and doesn't pay the rent (fuck that)

(Mo-mo-move out) move out

(Mo-mo-move out) you gotta go

(Mo-mo-move out) leave

(Mo-mo-move out) bitch, please

Look at this, this place looks horrible

Ugh, are you kidding me?

Fucking trash everywhere, is that a–

Shut the fuck up, you don't even know

Is that a condom? Is that a used condom in the fucking bathtub?

No it's not, it's probably from you last night

Who the fuck has sex in the bathtub? You're 25

No, you don't even know what you're talking about, shut up

This bathroom, we all use this bathroom

This is not your personal bathroom, all right? No

I have to shower in this shower, don't even start with me, girlfriend

I have to shower in this shower

You don't even understand right now, okay

Dear roomie, I really hate your guts

You leave a bunch of shit around and never pick it up

And your boyfriend, boyfriend

I won't even pretend that I like that guy

He eats my food and doesn't pay the rent (fuck that)

(Mo-mo-move out) move out

(Mo-mo-move out) you gotta go

(Mo-mo-move out) leave

(Mo-mo-move out) bitch, please

Hey, are you guys fighting?

Ugh, do you know where the hot Cheetos are?

No? Okay