A Miracle Would Happen / When You Come Home to Me

Everyone tells you that the minute you get married

Every other woman in the world

Suddenly finds you attractive

Well, that's not true

It only affects the kind of women you always wanted to sleep with

But they wouldn't give you the time of day before

And now they're banging down your door

And falling to their knees

At least that's what it feels like because you

Can not touch them

In fact, you can't even look at them

Close your eyes, close your eyes, close your eyes

Except you're sitting there eating your corned beef sandwich

And all of a sudden, this pair of breasts walks by and smiles at you

And you're like, that's not fair

And in a perfect world, a miracle would happen

And every other girl would fly away

And it'd be me and Cathy and nothing else would matter

But it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, I mean I'm happy

And I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, it's not a problem

It's just a challenge, it's a challenge to resist temptation

And I have to say that what exacerbates the problem

Is I'm at these parties, I'm the center of the attention

I'm the grand fromage, and here she comes

Let's get a cup of coffee, will you look at my manuscript?

And I'm showing her my left hand

I'm gesticulating with my left hand

And then Whoa, there's Cathy

'Cause she knows, they always know

And there's that really awkward moment

Where I try to show I wasn't encouraging this, which of course I was

And I don't want to look whipped in front of this woman

Which is dumb, I shouldn't care what she thinks

Since I can't fuck her anyway

And in a perfect world a miracle would happen

And every girl would look like Mister Ed

And it'd be me and Cathy and nothing else would matter

But it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, you know I love her

And it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's what I wanted

And I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, it's not a problem

Just a challenge, it's a challenge to resist temptation

When you come home to me, I'll wear a sweeter smile

And hope that for a while, you'll stay

When you come home to me, your hand will touch my face

And banish any trace of gray

Soon, our love will rise anew, even greater than the joy I felt

Just missing you

And once again, I'll be so proud to call you mine

When finally, you come home to me

I'll be there soon, Cathy

I'll finish up this chapter and be out the door

I swear, I'll be there soon, Cathy

Don't give up on me yet

I am so proud of you, baby

You're doing what you never got to do before

And I will be there, ripe and crawling

If freaking Random House stops calling

Don't lose faith, don't get down, don't despair

I'll be there

And in a perfect world a miracle would happen

And that day would finally be here and it'd be me and you

Riding it together, and the things we do

Going like we planned

We're gonna make it through and nothing else will matter

We'll be fine, we're fine

We're fine, we're fine, we're fine

We're fine, we're fine

I'll be there soon, Cathy

I swear, I will