album cover
Distortion
1,308
Alternative
Distortion was released on March 16, 2018 by P.W. Elverum & Sun as a part of the album Now Only
album cover
Release DateMarch 16, 2018
LabelP.W. Elverum & Sun
LanguageEnglish
Melodicness
Acousticness
Valence
Danceability
Energy
BPM140

Music Video

Music Video

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS
Mount Eerie
Mount Eerie
Performer
COMPOSITION & LYRICS
Phil Elverum
Phil Elverum
Songwriter

Lyrics

[Verse 1]
But I don't believe in ghosts or anything, I know that you are gone
And that I'm carrying some version of you around
Some untrustworthy, old description in my memories
And that must be your ghost taking form, created every moment by me
Dreaming you so
And is it my job now to hold whatever's left of you for all time?
And to reenact you for our daughter's life?
[Verse 2]
I do remember when I was a kid and realized that life ends and is just
Over, that a point comes where we no longer get to say or do anything
And then what? I guess just forgotten
And I said to my mom that I hoped to do something important
With my life, not be famous, but just remembered a little more
To echo beyond my actual end
And my mom laughed at this kid trying to wriggle his way out
Of mortality, of the final, inescapable, feral scream
But I held that hope and grew up wondering what dying means
Unsatisfied, ambitious, and squirming
[Verse 3]
The first dead body I ever saw in real life was my great grandfather's
Embalmed in a casked in Everett in a room by the freeway
Where they talked me into reading a thing from the bible
About walking through a valley in the shadow of death
But I didn't understand the words, I thought of actually walking
Through a valley and a shadow with a backpack and a tent
But that dead body next to me spoke clear and metaphor free
[Verse 4]
In December 2001 after having spent the summer and fall
Traveling mostly alone around the country that was spiraling into war
And mania, little flags were everywhere
I was living on the periphery as a twenty three year old
Wrapped up in doing what I wanted and it was music
And painting on newsprint, and eating all the fruit from the tree
Like Tarzan or Walt Whitman, voracious, devouring life
Singing my songs, sleeping in yards without asking permission
[Verse 5]
But that December I was shaken by a pregnancy scare
From someone that I'd been with for only one night
Many states away, who I hadn't planned to keep knowing
A young and embarrassing overconfident animal night
And the terror of the idea of fatherhood at twenty three
Destroyed my foundation and left me freaked out and
Wandering around mourning the independence and solitude
That defined me then
[Verse 6]
And though my life is a galaxy of subtleties, my complex intentions
And aspirations do not matter at all
In the face of the crushing flow of actual time
I saw my ancestors as sad and misunderstood
In the same way that my descendants will squint back through a fog
Trying to see some polluted version of all I meant to be in life
Their recollections pruned by the accidents of time
What got thrown away and what gets talked about at night
[Verse 7]
But she had her period eventually and I went back to being twenty three
Eleven years later, I was traveling alone again on an airplane
From New Zealand to Perth, Western Australia
Very alone, so far away from you and the home that we had made
I watched a movie on the plane about Jack Kerouac
A documentary going deeper than the usual congratulations
They interviewed his daughter, Jan Kerouac
And she tore through the history
[Verse 8]
She told about this deadbeat drinking, watching Three Stooges on TV
Not acknowledging his paternity, abandoning the child
Taking cowardly refuge in his self mythology
And when she spoke, I heard your voice telling me about the adults
Who had abandoned you as a sweet kid
And left you to grow precariously
And when she spoke, I looked in her face
And saw you looking back at me
[Verse 9]
On a tiny airplane seat screen at the bottom of the world
I saw a French Canadian resemblance and heard suffering echoing
A lineage of bad parents and strong daughters withstanding
And she had black hair and freckles and pale skin just like you
And she told the hard truth and slayed the gods just like you
I saw the cracks in the facade of posterity
I missed you so I went home
[Verse 10]
The second dead body I ever saw was you, Geneviève
When I watched you turn from alive to dead right here in our house
And I looked around the room and asked, are you here?
And you weren't, and you are not here, I sing to you though
I keep you breathing through my lungs in a constant uncomfortable
Stream of memories trailing out until I am dead too
And then eventually the people who remember me will also die
Containing what it was like to stand in the same air with me
And breathe and wonder why
[Verse 11]
And then distortion
And then the silence of space
The night palace
The ocean blurring
But in my tears right now
Light gleams
Written by: Phil Elverum
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