Out of Focus

I thought it might help if I could try limiting All of my thoughts to meaningless little things So I'd get hung up on some letter you wrote me Go outside, imagine the weather in Tokyo But I'd get dragged down by the slightest connection Just fly off the tracks to some recollection Of a casual mention of a trip 'round the planet A phone call that I didn't get when you'd landed And how I still waited for you When you told me not to Still remember the things that you chose to leave out of focus Admire, compose, and pretend not to notice And in all of your messages, the intimate care that you Took to show you didn't wish I was there with you And I don't know why I thought I could estimate How many cars could fit on the Golden Gate And not think of when we first crossed it together You said "fuck San Francisco and its shitty weather" But I kind of thought it was nice Why couldn't you just let something be nice? And yeah, of course I know what kind of beer we were drinking last Christmas When I asked you those things that were none of my business And I think I called you a liar but actually I was just mad that you wouldn't yell back at me And I never thanked you for that So thanks That's all you're gonna get Now it's been a long time, it's almost even easy I get days, even weeks where you vanish completely And I know I'm free now of hating or wanting you I just hate that I still understand what I saw in you I hate that I still understand what I saw in you