Natalie’s Rap 2.0 (feat. Natalie Portman)

We're here today with film star Natalie Portman Now, Natalie, the last time you were here I heard things got a little out of control Yeah, well, I was going through a really weird time then But I've matured a lot Why don't you fill us in on what it's like to be you? Okay, you bish I'm sorry, what? Yeah, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman Fucked your husband and his best friend just for sport, man Messed around and made the same song twice Here's a Bush, now eat your Condoleezza Rice You know it's clickbait, clickbait, clickbait Put a dildo on a switchblade, switchblade, switchblade (woo!) Xannies dissolving in my Pinot My man dance, but he's not a ballerino Yeah, he twinkle his toes but he give me good D though Wrap a good burrito Tide Pods the only fucking thing I snack on Black out and go motherfucking Black Swan Ooh! These dudes slouch and fix your posture, boy I'll come upside your head with my fucking Oscar, boy My brain gone off that fucking Ayahuasca, boy Tell your tourist parents I'ma turn you to a foster boy! Wow, I gotta say it seems like you're almost exactly the same, but with current references Untrue I'm a mother now It's really changed my perspective And do you find it difficult juggling kids and a career? You can juggle these nuts What? I don't dance now, I make mommy moves When I gave birth, I didn't even push I was blazed out, smoking bomb kush And when my water broke, you know it drowned the doctor... They say I'm sex-positive Hell yeah, I'm positive That you're going down while I'm bumping my prerogative Tell me why Ha, I guess I'm showing my age Now bend over and spread them because you about to get (fucked) (Damn!) Fascinating stuff Now I have to ask Natalie, have you seen the new Star Wars movies? No Oh, well they're really good! They're much better than... Better than what? Shit Say something 'bout the motherfucking prequels, bitch! (They were good!) Say something fucking nice about Jar-Jar Binks (he's tall?) Now kiss him right on his seventeen dicks (what?) While I sit dead on your face and take a shit Oh, Natalie (yeah?) Please come meet your baby He cries himself to sleep every night That little shit ain't mine! Oh, Natalie (what?) It's been twelve long years Shut the fuck up! And I'm seven days sober, I swear on his life! You're a mess, Carl Okay, well, that's all the time we have Natalie, one last question Do you think those Time's Up pins have had the impact that you were hoping for? Ah! How's that for impact? Well, actually Oh, no No more questions