Team of Doctors

It was wild

My wife was in surgery for ten hours

And before the surgery

The surgeon told me, he goes

"Halfway through I'll probably stop and get lunch"

I don't need to know that

Why even tell me that?

Was he afraid I was gonna run in to him in the cafeteria?

What are you doing here?

I get these cravings

Those Snickers commercials are true

But he was a great brain surgeon

We learned later on that he's like the best

I don't know how they determine the best brain surgeon

You know, maybe there's a competition

America's got tumors

Heidi Klum thought it was the best

The best brain surgeon

Isn't it enough that someone's a brain surgeon?

None of us can even get in med school

A brain surgeon goes to medical school

Afterwords, specializes in neurology

After that, specializes in surgery of the brain

And we're like

"Yeah, but are they any good?"

Yeah, they're a brain surgeon

You know what they do with the bad brain surgeons?

They don't let them become brain surgeons

Can you imagine the pressure on a brain surgeon?

At no point during their workday can they say

Hey, it ain't brain surgery

'Cause it's always brain surgery

Everyday

What you do at work, honey?

Brain surgery

That's fun, you want some fruit?

Never

My wife had a

She had an amazing team of doctors

She had the brain surgeons

She also had a ear, nose and throat doctor

Ear, nose and throat

That kinda sounds like they didn't make the cut for brain surgeon

I wanna be a brain surgeon

You know what, let's stick with the ears, nose and throat

You'd be better with the things surrounding the brain

Can I have the eyes?

You know what, let's stick with the ears, nose and throat

We promised the eyes to the nerd at LensCrafters

Why pick an optometrist?

Those ear, nose and throat doctors

They must look at dentists and think, just teeth?

That's it, what about the tongue?

Not the tongue, just the teeth

You just work on teeth?

Surgery on teeth?

Oh, I don't do the surgery

That's the orthodontist

I mostly scrape stuff off of teeth

While I listen to 80's music

I love Debbie Gibson

When you think about a dentist

They don't do the surgery

They don't even clean the teeth

They're like, "You guys do everything and then I'll come in

And jab 'em with a sharp object

While I listen to Debbie"

I did figure out what type of doctor I would wanna be

Which is an anesthesiologist

'Cause just once, I'd like to walk in a room and go

"Hi, I'm doctor Gaffigan, I'm gonna give you some drugs

So you can't talk or move

And one of these strangers is gonna cut you open

Good luck"

What draws someone to anesthesiology?

It's like, I like medicine

But I really enjoy getting people high

If I could combine the two

I also prefer to sit during surgery

You ever see the anesthesiologist during surgery?

They're always sitting there like

I don't even know why I have to be here

Yeah, they're still alive

Anyone got the wifi password?