I love you

I love you to death

I'm Tryna find the words to say where to I begin

I'm lost in translation I refuse to comprehend

Doc you can't be serious this is a pretend

Your telling me my sister got cancer on the day I had my kid

September 29, the best and worst day of my life

I had a healthy baby boy he's weighing in at 8.5

But mean while

My sisters somewhere with tears in her eyes

Cause she just had a son 8 days prior to mine

Not to mention 2 others

I'm Tryna provide some comfort, Thinking I could lose my sister their praying they don't lose their mother

Reality check that's a ton of bricks hitting me

We all love her the same but we're all taking it differently

Watching my dad try to keep it together that shit gets to me, first time in my life I ever seen a tear hit his cheek

And then I think

As a parent how the fuck can you prepare for that

I guess you hope for the best and prepare for the worse, spend every second you can with them and cherish their worth

You Try to lessen the blow When nothing will stop the hurt

But I can't speak for everyone can only speak for me

And how easy the tears fall but how hard it's gonna be, I'm still in deep shock

Feel like I'm going through detox

Mind scrambling bones aching head aches from all these deep thoughts

And then I think

I wish I was like five again

So my shoes you can teach me how to tie again

Or tuck me into bed with a flintstone vitamin

Then I can get, my sister back

Not that I ever lost you I just miss the fact, us kicking back, watching movies and this and that, pop corn and soda not much more that a kid can ask

For

Nothing more, nothing less

I was dirt poor and you made me feel blessed

Coming to my house in a neighbor that had you scared to death, to bring me a few outfits so I can be decently dressed

You don't know how much that meant to me

You made me feel like I was something even tho I wasn't to be

So me losing you is like me losing everything

The thought alone makes me nauseous it makes me sick to think

About yesterday and the times that we spent

To add another fucking struggle to the lives that we lived, I know that life is a bitch

But why she trifling like this

You know I go back and forth with myself

If I should talk to god and ask for help

But I can't cause every time I have I've gotten hell

And you already got enough of that

And i don't wanna add to the list that I'm Tryna cut in half

But my scissors ain't sharp enough

Lord my sisters worked hard enough

At beating your battles and you reward her with the hardest one

Life's a trip

Death around the corner don't wanna entice the bitch

More like domestic violence

Giving all I got hoping to land a Mike Tyson hit

Asthma attacking me but giving all the fight I can

Cause I refuse to let you go I'm a make sure you stay with me, even tho we've drifted apart you ain't never lost faith in me

Holding yourself together, but this fucking shit is breaking me

I go to sleep and wake up hoping this is make believe

But I'm scared every time my phone rings

And I see moms name cause I think it's an emergency

Scared of what I'll hear holding my breath like I never learned to breathe

I always think the worst in things, and I do it so perfectly

Your having seizures I'm speeding through traffic with some urgency

God this shit is erking me, thought we'd be here forever

Hard to think you'll be the first to leave and

Shit

Shit Hold on

Fuck