Ironmonger (The Copier of the Seven Keys)

Master of the Allen wrench Riding a mighty lawnmower for revenge In the realm of the screws he's the king And Lord of the towel rings Edison of the lightbulb Leonardo of the shower tray Renzo Piano of the gas pipes David Hasselhoff of the glue Einstein of the screwdriver Plato of the kick plates Hemingway of the instructions Translated into Dutch Bricolage! With the power of Black & Decker Bricolage! And the magic of Leroy Merlin Bricolage! Praise the wisdom of Rowenta In the name of the almighty Bosch! Hail to the affordable Ironmonger Prophet of bricolage of the last eclipse Purchase cutting edge items at the Ironmonger's Ineffable copier of the seven keys You're the Spongebob of promotions on the glue! Wizard of the doorknob of steel Warlock of the doorlock of hell Baywatcher of the batteries' polarity Hobgoblin of the customer satisfaction Heart of utensil On your ear there's a pencil No one can outcompete your trueness In the retail sellers branch You also sell mosquito nets In the tropical regions But not DDT anymore For international restrictions Hail to the affordable Ironmonger Prophet of bricolage of the last eclipse Purchase cutting edge items at the Ironmonger's Ineffable copier of the seven keys You're the bishop of the offers on the nails! The hammer of Thor The scalpel of Thor The screwdriver of Thor The lifepreserver of Thor The cousin of Thor The grandfather of Thor The boyfriend of David Hasselhoff Bricolage! With the power of Black & Decker Bricolage! And the magic of Leroy Merlin Bricolage! Praise the wisdom of Rowenta In the name of the almighty Bosch! Hail to the affordable Ironmonger Prophet of bricolage of the last eclipse Purchase cutting edge items at the Ironmonger's Ineffable copier of the seven keys Hail to the affordable Ironmonger Prophet of bricolage of the last eclipse Purchase cutting edge items at the Ironmonger's Ineffable copier of the seven keys And this song is all about David Hasselhoff!