Can I tell you a romantic story

About the one-eyed lady in France

I guess the king decreed that all the various princes

Should try to get inside her pants

So along came a Saint Paul dandy

He was six-and-a-half feet tall

He said "All the little ladies love roses"

She took the roses and that was all

The next man for the one-eyed lady

Was my dignified brother Dan

He said "Bring the little woman some kisses and attention"

She wouldn't even shake his hand

Then I moved into the picture

I was wearing these magic pants

I said "Let the blind bottom of my body do the talking"

She fell into a magic trance

I wore the pants

I said relax

We did a dance

They call the slacks

Let me tell you the truth of the story

It was me moving in those pants Huh?

Matt said "The way to her heart is through her tummy" What?

And then he took her out to restaurants! John, that's a lie!

No!

Could you both turn down the distortion

Cause you know I wore the pants

You were both laid out on the floor with no protection

In a deep dark watery trance

News to me!

I wore the pants

I said relax

We did a dance

They call the slacks

I wore the pants

I said relax

We did a dance

They call the slacks

I wore the pants!

Oh, my friend John (You wore the pants? I wore the pants!)

I wore the slacks, I did a dance

As I recall it Dan, you were on the floor and I was picking up the pants and pulling them onto my long, slender legs (Cut me some slack, man!) (Listen, let go of my leg. Those are my pants!)

I wore the pants, I said relax, I did the dance (I heed) (I said relax, I did a dance)

I wore the pants

I said relax

We did a dance

They call the slacks

We did a dance

They call the slacks