I hope it rains on every one of your vacations

I hope the heat and air breaks where you staying

I hope your marshmallows never come out right when you’re making s’mores with your friends on a Friday night

I hope you start losing your hair from the back up

I hope your face breaks out and can’t fix it with makeup

I hope you get a flat tire in a blizzard

And realize you don’t have a jack to swap it out and get bit by a lizard

I hope you get audited by the IRS

And they dig through all your financial records and leave you in a mess

I hope you accidentally sneeze on an all white tee

I hope whenever you go shopping you get nothing free

I hope you puke on live tv

I hope someone steals your wallet and goes on a shopping spree

I hope you never see a rainbow after it rains

I hope the fanciest car you own is a beat up Benz

I hope you crack every phone you buy

I hope you get a brand new laptop and the space bar dies

I hope you spill every coffee you drink

And no matter how you bathe or you shower you still manage to stink

I hope all your flights get delayed

I hope you only get middle seats between two babies

I hope your microwave breaks when you need it the most

I hope all your food expires and all you have left is toast

I hope In ever competition you get runner up

I hope you get a haircut that’s jacks you up

I hope you get a pet that poops in your bed

And hope you don’t realize it until it’s all over your head.

I hope you run out of shampoo and conditioner

And have to wash your hair with hand sanitizer

I hope every pen you use runs out of ink

I hope you buy new pants, wash em and they shrink

I hope you use a public bathroom when you have diarrhea

And then realize after you’re through there’s no toilet paper

I hope at ever drive-thru, they mess up up your order

And when you go back they say sorry and ruin it right again after

I hope you get carpet burn and it doesn’t heal

I hope you get sunburn and for weeks your skin just peels

I hope you buy a new shirt and the buttons fall off

I hope you get sick and heal but never lose that cough

I hope you get a cute dog and it runs away

I hope you get pink eye on your wedding day

I hope wait just kidding that’d be terrible

I don’t hope any of this happens to you

I’m just playing

How bad would that be tho

Like the most important day of your life and your eyes look like.

I'm just kidding

I really hope you have the best life ever