Rosetta Stoned

Alrighty then, picture this, if you will 10 to 2 a.m., X, Yogi DMT and a box of Krispy Kremes In my need-to-know post just outside of Area 51 Contemplating the whole "Chosen People" thingy When just a flaming stealth banana split the sky Like one would hope, but never really expect to see in a place like this Cutting right angle donuts on a dime And stopping right on my Birkenstocks, and me yelping "Holy fucking shit!" (Holy fucking shit!) (Holy fucking shit!) (Holy fucking shit!) (Holy fucking shit!) (Holy fucking shit!) (Holy fucking shit!) (Holy fucking shit!) Then the X-Files being Looking like some kind of blue-green Jackie Chan with Isabella Rossellini lips And breath that reeked of vanilla Chig Champa Did a slo-mo Matrix descent out of the butt-end of the banana vessel And hovered above my bug-eyes, my gaping jaw My sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip and all I could think was "I hope Uncle Martin here doesn't notice that I pissed my fucking pants!" So light in his way, like an apparition He had me crying out "Fuck me, it's gotta be The Deadhead Chemistry The blotter got right on top of me Got me seeing E-motherfucking-T!" And after calming me down with some Orange slices and some fetal spooning E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose He said, "You are The Chosen One The One who will deliver the message A message of hope for those who choose to hear it And a warning for those who do not" Me, The Chosen One? They chose me! And I didn't graduate from fuckin' high school You better You better You better You better listen Then he looked right through me with somniferous almond eyes Don't even know what that means, must remember to write it down This is so real, like the time Dave floated away See, my heart is pounding 'cause this shit never happens to me Can't breathe right now, it was so real Like I woke up in Wonderland, all sort of terrifying I don't wanna be all alone when I tell this story And can anyone tell me why you all sound like Peanuts parents? Will I ever be coming down? This is so real, finally, it's my lucky day See, my heart is racing 'cause this shit never happens to me Can't breathe right now You believe me, don't you? Please believe what I just said See, The Dead ain't touring and this wasn't all in my head See, they took me by the hand and invited me right in Then they showed me something, I don't even know where to begin Strapped down to my bed, feet cold and eyes red I'm out of my head, am I alive, am I dead? Can't remember what they said Goddamn, shit the bed! High, high High-igh-igh-igh-igh-igh High-igh-igh-igh-igh-igh-igh High, high, hallelujah Halleluh, hallelujah, halleluh Overwhelmed, as one would be, placed in my position Such a heavy burden now to be The One Born to bear and read to all the details of our ending To write it down for all the world to see But I forgot my pen Shit the bed again Typical Strapped down in my bed, feet cold and eyes red I'm out of my head, am I alive, am I dead? Sunkist and Sudafed, gyroscopes and infrared Won't help, I'm braindead, can't remember what they said Goddamn, shit the bed! I can't remember what they said to me Can't remember what they said to make me out to be a hero (Can't remember what they said) Bob, help me (Can't remember what they said) Don't know, won't know Don't know, won't know Don't know, won't know Don't know, won't know Don't know, won't know Don't know, won't know Don't know, won't know Don't know, won't know Don't know, won't know Don't know, won't know Don't know, won't know Don't know, won't know Goddamn, shit the bed!